Chapter 4 (Volume 2)

I came back to mom's house and ate lunch- I have been very tired all day. I called and left word at Dr. Magrinant's office that should my appointment be cancelled to call me at my mother's house. They called a short while later and have rescheduled me for noon on Monday. I am SO frustrated- the weather has continually delayed my medical progress!

Mom got me some sleeping pills as I am so keyed up, I have a lot of difficulty sleeping. I did doze for an hour or so, but have definitely not gotten the rest that I need.

The weather is really bad- freezing rain all day. And as luck would have it- the power went out at mom's house around 2:30 and did not come on all evening. I dread getting up to a cold house tomorrow!!

Veda and Curtis came and got mom and I and took us to their house for dinner- It was nice of them to do that.

I talked to John when I got home. Kevin and Joshua are going to be spending the night at our house, since their heat is off.

I talked to Phil- he stated that Monday he would be starting limited duty in "Evidence", he wasn't looking forward to that, but he is going stir crazy at home.

I took sleeping pills and pain medicine, so I hope I can sleep tonight.

Feb 3, 1996- I slept fair last night, but still woke up much earlier than I needed to. Mom's house was cold so I turned on the gas logs. I did take a hot shower and then just sat in front of the fireplace. Mom woke up and brought me some vitamins to take- then she read a devotional. She has been more than supportive to me.

I went to work around 5:30 so I could put on my make-up as it is hard to do in candle light.

Lt Lunsford called me early and I filled him in on the doctor's appointments I had coming up.

I told my squad what was happening with Phil and me. My first line-up was harder and I choked up once, but managed to keep an even keel on my second line-up. The whole squad was very concerned and supportive- some already had heard about me, but it was very important to me that I tell them what was going on.

The weather was really bad- freezing rain and all the streets were packed down. Power lines and trees down were the worst of it. Not many accidents as most people stayed home and many businesses were closed.

I called Candy L early morning and we went to "Your House" on Battleground for breakfast. She hadn't heard about my situation, so I filled her in. I hate today was my last day in uniform that I would be able to work with her.

After work I went by Dot's house and she loaded me down with food, then I went by mom's to get my stuff. Mom's power was back on.

We all went downstairs and visited as a family- John had cranked up the fireplace and it was really toasty. About 8:40, John insisted I take a Xanax that he had so I could sleep.

Feb 4, 1996- I slept good all night, but woke up about 5am and was really cold. I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't so I got up.

At 6:00am, I called Dale to let him know I had messed up the schedule and had forgot to change it. He said that we got an additional 2 inches of snow last night. I filled him in on what my schedule was for this upcoming week (Dr. appointments etc)

Feb 5, 1996 (Sunday)- Slept very good last night with the Xanax- got up about 5:30am.

Church was cancelled so we just all stayed warm at home. John and I watched an old "Blondie and Dagwood" movie.

I cooked the roast that Dot had given me. I got caught up with my washing, folding, and ironing clothes today.

Feb 5, 1996- Weather was bad- so kids were out of school. I was very worried that my appointment with Dr. Magrinant would be cancelled, but thankfully it wasn't.

I went to see Dr. Magrinant at 12:00. He talked to me about my cancer- fortunately he takes a lot of notes and draws pictures which makes it easier to understand. He layed out two types of chemotherapy for my case. The first was a lower dose chemo over a longer period of time- then surgery and more chemo. The 2nd was high dose chemo, which he recommended, but it would require hospitalization. Both would have side effects, such as hair loss- early menopause- possible damage to heart- lungs and other organs- not real encouraging, but I guess a necessary evil. For the high dose treatment, there is a 3-5% chance of dying just from the treatment! SOUNDS CHEERY!! I asked what stage the tumor was and he said STAGE 3- NOT GOOD! :( He did say the bone scan was o.k., but said there was a spot on my liver. He believes that the liver spot was probably just a cyst, but he ordered an ultrasound for tomorrow just to be sure. They also took some blood to do lab work with. He made me an appointment for the following Friday- which was discouraging since I was hoping by this Friday the game plan would be underway- so I wouldn't be in limbo a whole week longer!!

I went from Dr. Magrinant's office to downtown and I went straight up to see Patsy B. She really eased my mind and encouraged me to ask the doctor's at Duke their expertise at dealing with the type of cancer I had and told me to ask them the leading doctors and hospitals in the field. She also told me to have John put all my medical bills in a drawer and just send them to her about once a month. What a relief to let someone who knows what to look for scan through them and screen for hidden costs. I talked with Julie P who tracked me down by phone at the PD and also talked to Peggy and JoAnn and LT Wray and CPT Payne.

I left the PD and went by Kinard's Drugstore to get two prescriptions filled for PAIN and SLEEP.

I then picked up my stuff from the Substation and called Joel to tell him I had to go by Dot's to pick up some food.

I didn't get home until almost 7PM!! John had gone to the YMCA to play racketball with Kevin. I was tired and frustrated at having to start dinner so late!! I threw on some spaghetti and yelled at kids to help me by setting the table.

I had no idea when John would come home- so I went ahead and ate with the boys and started cleaning up the mess in the kitchen- I was hoping to get the kitchen cleaned up by the time John got back as he fusses so much when it is dirty.

John didn't get home until 8:30pm- I was upset with him, because he went to play raquetball instead of helping me get dinner. I finally met Kevin and we chatted for a minute- he seems very nice. After Kevin left, I told John what Dr. Magrinant had said. He said he had worried all day and was hoping to hear from me. I told him that I didn't like giving him medical news over the phone. I cried and was upset mostly that I had been so selfish- as Kevin and John have so much in common that he gets a lot of support from him and I don't want to break that up.

Hopefully John forgave me, but we both released a lot of our frustrations and fears, which is probably what we needed.

I didn't get to bed until after 10:30- but took the sleeping pill and slept pretty good.

Feb 6, 1996- Got up at 5:00am, took shower and paid bills- never enough money to go around!

Couldn't eat breakfast because I had to go to Cone Hospital at 7:30 to get an ultrasound of my liver to determine what the spot was. After taking many pictures, I asked the nurse before I left how they turned out- she said she thought it was a cyst- I sure hope it is!

After my tests I went up to see dad on Division 5000, he seems better, but he still cannot let go and quit worrying. It is hard to cheer him up.

I left there and went to get some breakfast before reporting to the substation.

Called John to let him know about my tests. Ran some errands later in the day. Had to run by grocery on way home.

John got on computer and printed me top US Hospitals for treatment of Cancer. Duke was rated eighth.