Chapter 3 (Volume 2)

January 31, 1996- I finally got up around 7 am since Spencer wouldn't let me sleep.

About 10am, I got a call from Dr. Leone, he said they discussed my case at his cancer conference and he recommended chemotherapy before surgery and again after surgery. I told Dr. Leone that my husband really wanted to get a second opinion from Dr. Eichlehart of Duke Medical Center. Dr. Leone was very receptive and said that I would be better off to do all the medical tests that he and Dr. Magrinaunt were scheduling for me, as they would be needed too for the most accurate diagnosis. He encouraged my getting a 2nd opinion and said he would set it up with Duke. Since John and I had an argument over my treatment at breakfast, I asked Dr. Leone to please call John so they could talk directly- which he did. Dr. Leone also said that the CAT Scan showed the tumor to be rather large although he told John is was not in any of my major organs nor did it show up in the nodes in my neck.

Dr. Magrinaunt's office called and set up a MUGA Scan, which is taking pictures of my heart to make sure it is strong enough for chemo treatments. I visited my Dad at Cone prior to having the MUGA Scan done. I tried to cheer my dad up by telling him not to worry about the past or future, but just by taking one day at a time- I am trying to follow that philosophy myself. They first injected radioactive stuff in my vein then waited 20 mins and injected more stuff in my veins- then they laid me on a table to take pictures of my heart. The whole procedure took about an hour.

I have become so spacey that after leaving Cone, I was going to the PD and was going to hang out there before having to work at Market Street Methodist Church, but realized I had left my uniform at home!! I had to drive all the way back to Thomasville- get dressed and drive all the way back to Greensboro.

While at home, I finally got ahold of Phil G and filled him in on my situation.

My breast seems to be hurting me more and I am getting more tired lately- I hope these two things pass quickly.

Jim G called me tonight with the news that Tina is pregnant again! This will be their 4th child- better him than me. I am happy for him though.

John and I talked some last night- he is scared, I can tell. We did joke around some, but this is really a difficult thing for him. I kept telling him that I believe everything has a purpose and maybe this is God's way of bringing this family back together again- over the last 2 years, we have really fragmented over John's business and been through some tough financial times. He kept saying, "Why You" and not me- I can't explain the "why" but just have to accept it and get my priorities in order.

February 1, 1996- I had to work at Burlington Industries from 8-11 for their annual share holder meeting. I then went to mom's house and filled her in on what Dr. Leone had told me after his cancer conference yesterday. At mom's house, I called Dr. Leone's office and spoke to his nurse. I was really feeling like I was spinning my wheels and wanted her to set up an appointment so John and I could sit down and discuss my treatment with Dr. Leone. Then as soon as possible I asked her to have Dr. Leone set up an appointment with Dr. Ingelhart at Duke Medical Center. Both appointments she got set up and I felt good that maybe by next Friday, the 9th- all the cards will be on the table to make a treatment decision with! I changed clothes and went to the police department. LT Lunsford told me they were moving someone to our squad from D squad. He also said I would be pulling light duty with the squad at the substation when they were working and maybe helping Jerry out some. He said when Dale needed to be off, either Jerry would substitute or one of the D squad corporals would be borrowed once SGT Bellamy got to the squad. He also said Phil would probably be out a couple months, but hopefully he would be able to start light duty in a couple weeks.

I left the PD and went by Cone Hospital, since the weather was supposed to be bad on Friday, I was hoping they might be able to do my CT and Bone Scan today. Unfortunately they were backed up, but it was lucky I went by because there was some medicine that I had to take in conjunction with the CT scans.

I left Cone and drove out to the National Guard Armory where I talked briefly to Tony. Tolley wasn't there so I spoke with Major D. I told him about my cancer and inquired about the NC National Guard job in Clinton, NC. He said that with Tony leaving the unit to go to Boone, they could put me in his slot, which is an E-7 slot. He also said my turning down the MSG slot would not effect my future chance of promotion since it was out of a 50 mile radius. He also mentioned the long-shot of a possible medical retirement (should that occur). Minimum time is 15 years and I presently have 13 and a month or two, but he said they would work it out as push came to serve so that I could get the time. I feel very good about being able to stay with the 113th Bde. I was really glad that I talked with him and feel much better about the whole thing.

Since we were supposed to get freezing rain tonight, I decided to go back to Thomasville and pack my clothes and stay at my mom's house so that I would be better able to get to my 10:00 appointment at Cone.

I changed into my uniform before leaving Thomasville and drove to Market St Methodist Church to work off duty. I talked with Jerry the maintenance supervisor and he said there was only one meeting going on and that they would get out at 7:30pm but he would lock the door and I really wouldn't need to stick around.

I then drove to the PD and had a long talk with Jim G. I also spoke with Beth M, Janice R, and Alice and Delores in communications. I have found that talking to people is therapy for me and have been overwhelmed by the morale support I have received thus far.

I then drove to mom's house and talked with Joan. I tried to call John, but it was late and I'm sure he was already in bed.

Friday- February 2, 1996- I did not sleep well last night- I just kind of tossed and turned, my mind kept racing, thinking, and yes, even worrying.

I got up at 6am and called John- we talked for about 20 min or so. The boys didn't have school because of the weather- Freezing rain!!

At 7:45am until I left for the hospital- I had to take several cups of medicine for the abdominal CT's I was to have today. I got to Cone before 10:00am and since I had already preregistered- it was quick. First thing they gave me a radio-active shot for the Bone Scan I was to have later. The veins in my right arm are starting to become battle weary- I really look like a junkie!!

Then I was called for the CT's. I had to drink this cup of thick white stuff that about made me throw up, but somehow I managed. They did a CAT scan of my brain, liver and abdomen which took over an hour. I got done about 11:00. I then went up to visit dad on the 5th floor. He is still discouraged, I tried to get him not to worry so much about stuff, but with the depression, he really can't help it. His nurse said that the doctor was somewhat frustrated at not being able to help him more, but he is actively working on it. The nurse and I both encouraged him to "talk" out his fears and frustrations. He does seem to be verbalizing more.

At 12:30 I returned and had my bone scan done. It didn't take too long. I am most concerned about that test as I just have a gut feeling that the cancer has gotten into my bones.