Chapter 4 (Volume 1)

May 28- I had a great night's sleep last night. I slept on top of the guest bed, it was soft and very comfortable.

I got up at around 0630 and took a shower- which felt good after not having one for five days. It was so relaxing without the boys around- I love them, but it sure is nice to get a break! I did chores around the house- folding clothes, ironing, etc I drove my car today and got it washed. John picked me up around 4pm and I drove with him on his wedding deliveries to Greensboro. We got back around 6:20 and mom, dad, Bruce and Joel were here. Mom brought dinner (to celebrate Bruce's birthday). Marti, Sara and John all ate dinner (they took a break from their weddings).

The staples in my breast and under my arms are driving me crazy!! I can't wait to get them taken out.

May 29- Our 17th Wedding Anniversary!! I got up around 6:45am. Sara had spent the night in our guest room- I was going to sleep in there, because that bed is so soft, but I slept on top of Spencer's bed. John was busy doing a wedding all day. It was so peaceful in the house with the boys gone all weekend! I watched some more of the movie "The Fugitive", before Dot, Cindy, Kathleen and Spencer came. We said our farewells to Cindy and then Dot took her to the airport.

After they left, Spencer and I finished watching "The Fugitive" and then played some "Clue". Spencer fell asleep and I just rested. John came and we drove to Greensboro to get Joel from Mom's house.

I'm feeling better, but the staples are really bothering me- I can't wait to get them out. I should go back to work on Wednesday, but I'm going to try and be out through Friday as I had originally planned to do.

May 30- Memorial Day! The kids had school today. John had to run to Greensboro & High Point. I finished watching "The Firm"- it was such a successful movie- I really liked it.

John was supposed to come home before noon- so we could go to Lexington. He did not get home until 2:30pm. Then on the way to Lexington, he saw a yard sale and we spent about an hour there. By the time we got to Lexington- it was much later than we planned to be there. We went to an antique place and looked around, unfortunately I had to be the nag and remind John that we needed to eat so we could get back in time to pick up Spencer. It was not the nice fun- relaxing time that we both had planned on. We got home and I was rushed to get the boys fed- then took Spencer to school for Honor Court. On our return home- I reminded John that we HAD to go to the grocery store- so needless to say, we were at each other's throats due to stress, but eventually we got over it!

May 31- My incision was really bothering me! I had an appointment at 10:00am to get the staples taken out. I have been bathing the scar area with Vitamin E creme in hopes that it will help heal it quickly. I got the slip to return to duty next Monday on light duty. I'm not really looking forward to going back. I finished writing all my thank you notes today.

June 3- My last convalescent day! I sure will miss these days of leisure- it's back to the salt mines next week. Mom came over at 11am and we went to Joel's school for their 5th grade luncheon. It was lots of fun. Joel was voted "most respected" out of his class and received a certificate and a pocket calculator. I was so proud of him! They had a really nice program. Afterwards I went with mom to Thomasville Furniture Outlet. John was doing weddings in Greensboro- so I fed the kids and rented them a couple videos, then went to a dinner party at Jimmy & Jerome's. Bob R was in town. It was a nice party.

June 4- Went to 4 Seasons Mall- Joel got Birkenstocks for his birthday.

June 5- My LAST convalescent day- BOO! Dot came over for lunch- then watched a movie with kids. Had to get to bed early. My breast is still sore and still feels swollen- my arm is still sore also, but I guess with time it will heal.

June 6- My first day back at work. It was good seeing friends and co-workers again. Many were surprised to see me back- others I'm sure thought "she doesn't even look sick!"

My breast got really swollen and uncomfortable today- it felt like my bra was cutting into me. I was so miserable that I bought an ice pack and after dinner and after the kids got to bed- I went straight to bed with the ice pack. I woke up twice in the night and re-applied ice pack.

June 7- Breasts still seem real swollen and sensitive. I hate to call the doctor as they may be perfectly normal. Work as been o.k.- no real stressors right now.

June 8-10- Fairly quiet week. Enjoyed not being swamped. On Friday, I had my first appointment with Dr. Goodchild at Cone Hospital. He looked me over and scheduled me for the evaluation/set-up appointment on June 16th.

I found out this week that Vicki in Budget and Evaluation had the same thing as I did and is undergoing radiation treatments now. I went up to see her on Thursday, but she was in a meeting- then I found out that she will be on vacation until June 20th. I'm anxious to talk to her.

June 15th Today I was scheduled to do all the logistics prior to scheduling radiation treatments. I went into a room where the technician explained the procedure. I laid down on a table (afer changing into a hospital gown). My upper torso was laid into a form. The technician mixed up some chemicals and poured them into the form. As I laid in it- it got very warm and bubbled up- (2) technicians modeled the form around my upper torso. After they got the mold the way they wanted it- the table was raised up and moved under by a big machine. I was laying flat with my left arm raised and bent at the elbow. My right arm was down at my right side. My head was turned to the right- making it hard to see what they were doing. Approx. 4 nurses and technicians began buzzing around me- making marks and taking numerous measurements on my left breast. I had to just lay there for over an hour and just let them draw & measure their hearts out. I couldn't see what they were doing, but once finished when I looked in the mirror- I was shocked! There were lines, x's & o's- it looked like an elaborate battle plan!!

June 16- I went back today and they took some x-rays based on all the angles they lined up before. Then I had to go upstairs and have a CAT scan taken. They said the reason for the CAT scan was to determine the depth of radiation. After my x-rays, I went to visit with Cindy Shane. She just found out the lump from her breast was malignant- so I went to fill her in as to what she had in store for her. She seemed very appreciative of my taking time to answer her questions. This week I also answered questions and talked with Lt Annie S. as she is scheduled for a biopsy this coming Tuesday. I'm starting to understand why I got cancer- maybe it is so I can help others.

June 20- I talked with Vicki C today- she has just finished radiation treatments. I also found out that Cindy Shane had surgery today. I had my first radiation treatment today- there was really nothing to it! I was worried they would be upset that so much of my markings had washed off, but they didn't seem to be worried about it. After taking treatment, I was weighed 118 (on my scales at home I weigh 115), then I spoke with Dr. Goodchild.

After leaving Cone Hospital, I drove to Wesley Long and stopped in to see Cindy Shane. She seemed to be doing well after her surgery today- she will go home tomorrow.

June 21- Had 2nd treatment today. Was really wiped out when I got home. John took the boys to Taco Bell and I rested and slept for about 2 hours.

June 22- Had blood drawn in addition to treatment. Today was a real downer- I found out by way of a memo that SGT Brody got the Personnel Sergeant's job!! It was a real shock to me as I really thought I would land that job based on my past experience. I was upset, because I felt like CPT Payne probably sold me short. I did talk to him for about an hour- although initially he was in favor of the transfer- today he stated it would not have been a good career move. He is convinced that my best shot at promotion is to go back to the field and get some more field operational experience. I know deep down he is probably right- however, I hate leaving my admin. "comfort zone". I am really in a dilema as to what to do regarding my future with the Greensboro Police Department. On one hand, I would like to be promoted, but on the other hand, I am very leary about the stress level and confidence that I have in my own abilities. I discussed my future career with John- he says he will support me in whatever I decide to do, but when things get rough in trying to juggle career and family I know he will complain and hold it against me. I have never faced a cross-roads like this before- I am just going to have to pray for guidance as to what to do!

This first week of treatments have not been bad at all. Other than just feeling tired- I don't really see any other problems. Just 5 more weeks to go!

June 26- I had drill- so John took Joel to Boy Scout Camp in Browns Summit. Joan came over while we were gone and brought by a taco salad. It was a busy weekend at drill. I didn't have any idle time on my hands and then I came home to clothes to fold and iron- what fun!

July 1- I ran today for the first time since my biopsy! It felt great. I only ran 3 1/2 miles and was pretty tired when I finished, but I feel like I'm getting back to normal. Treatments are going fine. I am red and tender, but as long as I don't touch my nipple- I'm o.k. So far the radiation treatments have not worn me down too bad! 4 weeks to go!!

July 11- I've now had 15 treatments- I'm really starting to be tired out from the treatments. My energy level is definitely below normal. I'm exercising, but only able to run 3 1/2 miles (which is a challenge)! My breast is red, sore and tender, but as long as I don't touch or bump it- I can deal with it.

July 27- Today I start my final six days of treatment. I am now on another machine. For my last six treatments- they will concentrate on the tumor site. My appointment time has changed to 5:30pm which means I won't get home until about 6:30pm. John and the boys have gone on vacation to the mountains this week so it is my R & R time!

On August 3, 1994 I had my last radiation treatment- I was glad, but a little sad too. Taking treatment everyday has become such a comforting routine that I will really miss those familiar faces each day. However, on the other hand- it symbolizes that the final stage of my breast cancer recovery is over with.

Cancer has brought with it a mixed bag. In many ways (oddly enough) it has been an extremely positive experience! It has also been the scariest experience I have encountered in my adult life. It made me realize how important life and family are to me. It made me appreciate the "little" things and prioritize- concentrate on the important things. God has always blessed me with family and friends who care- I was deeply touched by all the cards, letters and phone calls I received. Their love, prayers and concern got me through some tough times.

Life is precious and for now it is God's Will for me to live- it is obvious that He has more plans for my life. I am grateful for His Mercy and Love. I truly thank Him for my recovery!