Chapter 2 (Volume 1)

The following Monday (May 9th) I went to work as usual. Since I had a doctor's appointment at 0930- I did not teach "Officer Survival" that morning. I changed into civilian clothes prior to my appointment.

After slipping into a gown at the doctor's office, Dr. Leone and his nurse came in. While he was examining my breast, he asked me if there was anyone with me today. I suddenly got a sick feeling in my stomach, because I knew what was coming. When I said I came by myself, he said that the lump he removed was malignant and that I would need more surgery. It really felt as though someone had kicked me as hard as they could in my stomach. I did contain my emotions though as Dr. Leone outlined my options. He said that I could have a masectomy with reconstruction or a lumpectomy where he would go in and remove more tissue around the tumor and remove the lymph nodes under my arm. He stated that I didn't need to make a decision right away, but if I decided on reconstruction, he would have to coordinate the surgery with a plastic surgeon and so he would need to line that up as soon as possible.

I just sat there with my head swimming- I knew that my chances of the tumor being malignant was 50/50, but I just never thought that it really be malignant.

Dr. Leone said that he wanted me to watch a tape that explained all the options available to me.

The doctor left and I got changed back into my clothes. The nurse took me across the hall, gave me a coke and sat me in a room to watch the tape. Before we went across the hall, she asked me if I could call my husband to come watch the tape with me. I tried to reach John several times, but since it was the week of the Blandwood Ball, he was everywhere.

I sat and watched the tape- I was truly in a daze- I just couldn't believe that I had CANCER!

After I watched the tape- I again tried to call John, but could not reach him. The nurse was so nice and empathetic- I really appreciated her kindness toward me during such a difficult time.

I briefly talked with Dr. Leone and he again emphasized that a masectomy was no more effective than a lumpectomy with radiation. I told him I needed to talk it over with my husband and I would let him know as soon as possible what surgery I had chosen.

I made an appointment for that Friday (May 13th) to have the stitches removed from the biopsy.

As I left the doctor's office- I was just numb-I couldn't think straight. I drove to the National Guard Armory to check about the PT test that was going to be given that coming Saturday.

I thought about not going back to work, but I felt like running away was not the answer. I had to face the circumstances and deal with them honestly.

As I walked into the Police Department, I saw Janice Roger's at the drinking fountain and I told her that things were not good and that I needed more surgery. She followed me into the dressing room and I told her about the options I was facing.

Next I talked to Jim Gunn- we went into the library and I told him that the tumor was malignant and that I needed more surgery. I also told him about the options I had. He was very understanding.

Later that afternoon, I finally got ahold of John to tell him the news. John told me not to worry that everything would be o.k. I felt so bad about having to dump such bad news on him-with him having to deal with the Blandwood Ball that weekend.

I also had received a message from my mom as she was anxious to hear. I called and mom was not home so I talked to dad. I told him to break the news to mom gently. I knew mom would really be worried because several of her friends had died of breast cancer.

I certainly could not focus on anything work related that day. I finally asked Captain Payne if I could talk to him. I went into the F.O.B. conference room. I told him that I went to the doctor and the news was not good. I told him that the tumor removed was malignant and that I would need more surgery. I proceeded to outline the choices that I had to make. He was very understanding and suppotive. I later that same afternoon explained my situation to Doug.

Like I said before, that whole day was a fog- I couldn't focus on anything except the cancer.

When I came home that day, Joel asked me how things had gone at the doctor, and I explained that I would need more surgery. He said, "Well, at least you don't have breast cancer!" I said "Joel, I do have breast cancer, but they have already taken out the cancer, but I need more surgery, just to make sure they got it all." With that explanation, both kids pretty much accepted my diagnosis. I was relieved that they did not seem to worry about me.

That evening, I was glad John came home before I went to bed. He said that once he had talked to me, had had been mush all day and I said that I had too. He said that he thought that the diagnosis would be bad, he just had a "feeling"- I also shared with him that I had that same "feeling" since my biopsy. We talked a little bit about the options and I told him I was leaning toward having a lumpectomy- as I wasn't in for the reconstructive surgery bit.

The next day I taught Officer Survival- I was truly "TERRIBLE"- I could not concentrate on the material and I lost my chain of thought many times. I was truly embarrassed by my performance. I was still dwelling on the diagnosis and just couldn't get it off my mind.

I slowly told more and more people and of course word spread. It was good therapy to talk to others, because I soon found out that cancer was about as common as a tonsilectomy had been in the 50's and 60's. In the United States, 1 in 9 women get breast cancer. Everyone I talked to knew someone who had had breast cancer.

Over the next few days, I began to deal with the diagnosis better. Having cancer certainly helps to refocus one's thinking. What you think is important all of a sudden is not so important anymore. Priorities are brought into sharp focus. your family means a lot more to you than it did before.

I taught Officer Survival 2-3 more times- I was able to get it together and felt I did a good job.

On Thursday night (May 12th), I taught Officer Survival that evening and then attended my dad's graduation from Citizen's Police Academy. I was quite proud of him for completing that course.

I finally decided that I would go for the lumpectomy and scheduled surgery for May 23 at 1030 hours. John's sister, Cindy would be here then so she could help with the boys.

During the following week I tried to get things tied up so that Doug would have a minimal amount of work to do while I was out. i found out that Doyle Batten was officially retiring at the end of June. That worried me because with my medical problems I was afraid I would miss out on the opportunity that I had been waiting on to become the Personnel Sergeant (something I had set my sites on for some time). I went and talked to Captain Emerson about my chances of getting the Personnel Sergeant's job. He was encouraging and said that I had a good chance of getting the job, but that he wasn't sure how Chief Williams would make a decision.

On May 16th I had a performance evaluation conference with Captain Payne and Lt Lunsford. My evaluation was good and they were very supportive of my medical problems. During the course of our conversation, I did express my interest in the Personnel Sergeant's job and asked for their blessing for me to throw my name in the hat. They were not surprised by my request, but were understanding and felt like such a move would enhance my career. So by that afternoon, I put in a request for transfer- so my name is in the hat for that job.

During the next few days I talked to more people and felt more and more comfortable about the surgery I was facing.

Cindy flew in from Orlando on May 21st. The boys fell in love with Catherine (her 18month old baby girl). John's mother, Cindy and baby drove over to Thomasville Saturday evening and we went to Family Dinner, then visited with them.

Sunday, May 22nd I went to church-everyone was very supportive and said that I would be in their prayers. After church, we drove to Greensboro and Dot took us to the Village Tavern for a late lunch.