Chapter 2 (Volume 2)

January 29, 1996- I was very anxious all morning and found myself checking the clock frequently. At around 12pm, I gave Dale the phone and turned the squad over to him, then proceeded to Dr. Leone's office at 301 W. Wendover. I did not like going to the doctor in uniform, but decided it would be more of a hassle to change clothes than it was worth. When I was put into the waiting room, I had to wait almost 40 minutes, which was rather unusual. During my wait, I was sweating, but began thinking- if the results had been bad, the doctor's office would not have called me and given me that kind of news over the phone. Also, because the doctor was so late in seeing me, I was sure he was preparing himself for an encounter he did not want to face. When he came in, the nurse followed him in which was another sign that the news would not be good. Dr. Leone said, " Well, today is when you get the test results- and I'm afraid I do not have good news. The tumor is malignant and it is also in your pectoralis muscle." Surprisingly, I was not in total shock as I had really mentally prepared myself for the worse, however, my body felt extremely numb and my head was racing to comprehend what he was telling me. He further went on to say it was highly unusual for the cancer to come back in the same breast and even more unusual for it to be in a whole different site. He said he hadn't seen anything quite like this and was going to be taking my case to a "CANCER CONFERENCE" that he was going to Wednesday, January 31st. He was also going to be talking with Dr. Goodchild (my radiation oncologist) and Dr. Magrinant (my oncologist). He then instructed me to call him Wednesday (the 31st) afternoon after he had gotten back from the conference. I left his office in shock- not that I was necessarily surprised by the results, but that all the fears I had were coming true!

I immediately drove to the Police Station to see Lt L. (my superior), he was on the phone. I then saw Lt Larry J. and he asked how things were and I told him to tell Karen that if I had surgery in Greensboro I wanted her to be my anesthesiologist. I then ran into Sgt Jim F. and he told me to see him before I left. So since my Lt was still on the phone- I went to see him and I also told him about my situation. He was very supportive.

Finally, I went into the Library with Lt L. and told him what I knew thus far about my cancer and treatment. He also was very supportive and stated he would check into the possibility of puting me on light duty prior to going out on sick leave, as it might save me a few hours on my sick leave. I told him I would keep him posted. He told me to just go home for the day.

I left the PD and went by my mother's house, but she had a driveway full of company. I had not said anything to my mother about the lump I had found, because I knew she would worry me to death. Also, my dad has been suffering from severe depression since Thanksgiving and had spent two weeks at Charter Hills and now was in Cone Hospital. My mom has had her hands full and I really didn't want to burden her down anymore than I had to. However, it was now at the point that I had to tell her what was going on, but I dreaded that talk. But today was not going to be the day with all the company she had over.

I then drove on to the substation, I talked with Areta and she again was supportive and gave me the name of a therapist in case I needed to talk to someone. I then told Cindy- and at one point we both almost broke down, but we both managed to hold it together. I then talked with Dale- between him and Cindy, I know I have a powerful prayer team working for me. I also now know why Dale came to my squad and why Cindy didn't get that C.O.P. job and leave my squad as God knew that I needed both of their strength and faith.

Then the next hard part came when I had to go home and face my husband. It was his birthday- and I can't think of a worse present to give him. The boys had made a birthday banner and birthday cards and placed them on the kitchen table- it was so sweet of Joel to have done that.

Before John came home, I told the boys that I did have cancer again and that I would really need their help and support through this. They seemed to take it well on the surface, but I really don't know what they are thinking deep down inside- I know had I got that kind of news as a child I would be terrified!!

I tried to reassure John, but I know it was like kicking him in the gut to get such bad news. And in many ways, it is harder on him because he is in such a helpless position- I know I would feel that way if the tables were turned.

We did put on a "happy face" and went ahead with our plans to attend the YMCA Annual Board Member Banquet. John received a plaque for his support as a corporate partner.

When we got home, we had cake and ice cream with the boys. All in all we salvaged the evening. That night I received many phone calls of loving care and support- Kathy F, Cindy S, Jim G, Cindy (John's sister), Dot Herron and Steve B (John's cousin).

January 30, 1996- I went over to Rev. Staunton's house to give them the results of my biopsy. Mary B was there, but Jim wasn't, however, as I was finishing up Jim came in and I again told my story. He asked what he and church members could do and I told them only prayer at this point. I did tell him I was worried about John, because the extra stress on him at an already stressed time was more than I thought he could handle.

Dr. Goodchild's office called and I made an appointment to see him at 12:30pm.

After my visit with the Staunton's, I drove to Greensboro to break the news to mom- it was hard, but I must say she took it well. She, of course, was most supportive. I also told her that she is not to let dad know about my condition- he is starting to improve and this news may just send him into major depression.

I went to see Dr. Goodchild at Cone. After examining me and comparing the pictures of the area radiated, his recommendation was not to radiate since the site had been in the radiation field. He also told me that the reason the cancer was in the muscle was because of it's location- there is no fatty tissue for it to go in- so it goes into what is under it which is muscle. He stated that in men this always occurs.

I left Cone and went to see Louise F. I told her the bad news and she was very supportive and wanted me to keep her posted.

At Louise's house, I suddenly realized that I had had so much on my mind that I hadn't even gone by to see dad at Cone while I was there. I ran by mom's house, but didn't have a key to get in, so I went back to Cone Hospital.

After I left Cone, I decided to run by substation to run reports. I talked with Roy who again was very concerned and supportive. I also finally got up with Jim G by phone. I talked with Cindy S at mom's house. I went back to mom's and called my house, Joel had a bunch of messages for me- one was super important to call Dr. Leone. I called his house and he told me he had scheduled me for a CAT scan and chest x-ray for 7pm that night at Cone Hospital.

After I got off the phone with him, I called Cone and they said I could come anytime before 9pm. So I quickly changed clothes and headed for Green's Supper Club where Chief Bateman was having his retirement dinner. I sat with CPT Payne, CPT Hundley, CPT Ingold and LT Lunsford.

Unfortunately, I had to leave about 8:30pm- while they were having their dedications and "roasts" of Chief Bateman.

While at dinner LT Wray, LT Bishop, Chief Daughtry, Chief Bateman, CPT Stewart, SGT Callicut, LT James, and Wofford Boyd all assured me of their support, prayer and concern. It felt good to know so many people cared.

As I left about 8:30, I went outside and found traffic backed up- I panicked as I knew I needed to get to Cone by 9pm- so Dr. Leone could have the CAT Scan and X-rays for his cancer conference on Wednesday morning. I called Cone and explained my situation then managed to detour onto Summit Ave and take the long way. Running like Hell, I did arrive shortly after 9pm- at x-ray they sent me to outpatient admitting to get paperwork.

The nurse was very nice- the CAT Scan was uncomfortable- they put an IV in my arm and I had to keep my arms raised over my head while they did the scan. I had to hold my breath about a million times- I thought I would never get done. Then they took X-rays and I got home after 10pm. Everyone was asleep- I was VERY tired! I woke up about 2:30am and could not go back to sleep- I finally got up and took a pain pill as my chest was hurting. I then dozed briefly.