January 31, 1996- I finally got up around 7 am since Spencer wouldn't let me sleep.
About 10am, I got a call from Dr. Leone, he said they discussed my case at his cancer conference and he recommended chemotherapy before surgery and again after surgery. I told Dr. Leone that my husband really wanted to get a second opinion from Dr. Eichlehart of Duke Medical Center. Dr. Leone was very receptive and said that I would be better off to do all the medical tests that he and Dr. Magrinaunt were scheduling for me, as they would be needed too for the most accurate diagnosis. He encouraged my getting a 2nd opinion and said he would set it up with Duke. Since John and I had an argument over my treatment at breakfast, I asked Dr. Leone to please call John so they could talk directly- which he did. Dr. Leone also said that the CAT Scan showed the tumor to be rather large although he told John is was not in any of my major organs nor did it show up in the nodes in my neck.
Dr. Magrinaunt's office called and set up a MUGA Scan, which is taking pictures of my heart to make sure it is strong enough for chemo treatments. I visited my Dad at Cone prior to having the MUGA Scan done. I tried to cheer my dad up by telling him not to worry about the past or future, but just by taking one day at a time- I am trying to follow that philosophy myself. They first injected radioactive stuff in my vein then waited 20 mins and injected more stuff in my veins- then they laid me on a table to take pictures of my heart. The whole procedure took about an hour.
I have become so spacey that after leaving Cone, I was going to the PD and was going to hang out there before having to work at Market Street Methodist Church, but realized I had left my uniform at home!! I had to drive all the way back to Thomasville- get dressed and drive all the way back to Greensboro.
While at home, I finally got ahold of Phil G and filled him in on my situation.
My breast seems to be hurting me more and I am getting more tired lately- I hope these two things pass quickly.
Jim G called me tonight with the news that Tina is pregnant again! This will be their 4th child- better him than me. I am happy for him though.
John and I talked some last night- he is scared, I can tell. We did joke around some, but this is really a difficult thing for him. I kept telling him that I believe everything has a purpose and maybe this is God's way of bringing this family back together again- over the last 2 years, we have really fragmented over John's business and been through some tough financial times. He kept saying, "Why You" and not me- I can't explain the "why" but just have to accept it and get my priorities in order.
February 1, 1996- I had to work at Burlington Industries from 8-11 for their annual share holder meeting. I then went to mom's house and filled her in on what Dr. Leone had told me after his cancer conference yesterday. At mom's house, I called Dr. Leone's office and spoke to his nurse. I was really feeling like I was spinning my wheels and wanted her to set up an appointment so John and I could sit down and discuss my treatment with Dr. Leone. Then as soon as possible I asked her to have Dr. Leone set up an appointment with Dr. Ingelhart at Duke Medical Center. Both appointments she got set up and I felt good that maybe by next Friday, the 9th- all the cards will be on the table to make a treatment decision with! I changed clothes and went to the police department. LT Lunsford told me they were moving someone to our squad from D squad. He also said I would be pulling light duty with the squad at the substation when they were working and maybe helping Jerry out some. He said when Dale needed to be off, either Jerry would substitute or one of the D squad corporals would be borrowed once SGT Bellamy got to the squad. He also said Phil would probably be out a couple months, but hopefully he would be able to start light duty in a couple weeks.
I left the PD and went by Cone Hospital, since the weather was supposed to be bad on Friday, I was hoping they might be able to do my CT and Bone Scan today. Unfortunately they were backed up, but it was lucky I went by because there was some medicine that I had to take in conjunction with the CT scans.
I left Cone and drove out to the National Guard Armory where I talked briefly to Tony. Tolley wasn't there so I spoke with Major D. I told him about my cancer and inquired about the NC National Guard job in Clinton, NC. He said that with Tony leaving the unit to go to Boone, they could put me in his slot, which is an E-7 slot. He also said my turning down the MSG slot would not effect my future chance of promotion since it was out of a 50 mile radius. He also mentioned the long-shot of a possible medical retirement (should that occur). Minimum time is 15 years and I presently have 13 and a month or two, but he said they would work it out as push came to serve so that I could get the time. I feel very good about being able to stay with the 113th Bde. I was really glad that I talked with him and feel much better about the whole thing.
Since we were supposed to get freezing rain tonight, I decided to go back to Thomasville and pack my clothes and stay at my mom's house so that I would be better able to get to my 10:00 appointment at Cone.
I changed into my uniform before leaving Thomasville and drove to Market St Methodist Church to work off duty. I talked with Jerry the maintenance supervisor and he said there was only one meeting going on and that they would get out at 7:30pm but he would lock the door and I really wouldn't need to stick around.
I then drove to the PD and had a long talk with Jim G. I also spoke with Beth M, Janice R, and Alice and Delores in communications. I have found that talking to people is therapy for me and have been overwhelmed by the morale support I have received thus far.
I then drove to mom's house and talked with Joan. I tried to call John, but it was late and I'm sure he was already in bed.
Friday- February 2, 1996- I did not sleep well last night- I just kind of tossed and turned, my mind kept racing, thinking, and yes, even worrying.
I got up at 6am and called John- we talked for about 20 min or so. The boys didn't have school because of the weather- Freezing rain!!
At 7:45am until I left for the hospital- I had to take several cups of medicine for the abdominal CT's I was to have today. I got to Cone before 10:00am and since I had already preregistered- it was quick. First thing they gave me a radio-active shot for the Bone Scan I was to have later. The veins in my right arm are starting to become battle weary- I really look like a junkie!!
Then I was called for the CT's. I had to drink this cup of thick white stuff that about made me throw up, but somehow I managed. They did a CAT scan of my brain, liver and abdomen which took over an hour. I got done about 11:00. I then went up to visit dad on the 5th floor. He is still discouraged, I tried to get him not to worry so much about stuff, but with the depression, he really can't help it. His nurse said that the doctor was somewhat frustrated at not being able to help him more, but he is actively working on it. The nurse and I both encouraged him to "talk" out his fears and frustrations. He does seem to be verbalizing more.
At 12:30 I returned and had my bone scan done. It didn't take too long. I am most concerned about that test as I just have a gut feeling that the cancer has gotten into my bones.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Chapter 2 (Volume 2)
January 29, 1996- I was very anxious all morning and found myself checking the clock frequently. At around 12pm, I gave Dale the phone and turned the squad over to him, then proceeded to Dr. Leone's office at 301 W. Wendover. I did not like going to the doctor in uniform, but decided it would be more of a hassle to change clothes than it was worth. When I was put into the waiting room, I had to wait almost 40 minutes, which was rather unusual. During my wait, I was sweating, but began thinking- if the results had been bad, the doctor's office would not have called me and given me that kind of news over the phone. Also, because the doctor was so late in seeing me, I was sure he was preparing himself for an encounter he did not want to face. When he came in, the nurse followed him in which was another sign that the news would not be good. Dr. Leone said, " Well, today is when you get the test results- and I'm afraid I do not have good news. The tumor is malignant and it is also in your pectoralis muscle." Surprisingly, I was not in total shock as I had really mentally prepared myself for the worse, however, my body felt extremely numb and my head was racing to comprehend what he was telling me. He further went on to say it was highly unusual for the cancer to come back in the same breast and even more unusual for it to be in a whole different site. He said he hadn't seen anything quite like this and was going to be taking my case to a "CANCER CONFERENCE" that he was going to Wednesday, January 31st. He was also going to be talking with Dr. Goodchild (my radiation oncologist) and Dr. Magrinant (my oncologist). He then instructed me to call him Wednesday (the 31st) afternoon after he had gotten back from the conference. I left his office in shock- not that I was necessarily surprised by the results, but that all the fears I had were coming true!
I immediately drove to the Police Station to see Lt L. (my superior), he was on the phone. I then saw Lt Larry J. and he asked how things were and I told him to tell Karen that if I had surgery in Greensboro I wanted her to be my anesthesiologist. I then ran into Sgt Jim F. and he told me to see him before I left. So since my Lt was still on the phone- I went to see him and I also told him about my situation. He was very supportive.
Finally, I went into the Library with Lt L. and told him what I knew thus far about my cancer and treatment. He also was very supportive and stated he would check into the possibility of puting me on light duty prior to going out on sick leave, as it might save me a few hours on my sick leave. I told him I would keep him posted. He told me to just go home for the day.
I left the PD and went by my mother's house, but she had a driveway full of company. I had not said anything to my mother about the lump I had found, because I knew she would worry me to death. Also, my dad has been suffering from severe depression since Thanksgiving and had spent two weeks at Charter Hills and now was in Cone Hospital. My mom has had her hands full and I really didn't want to burden her down anymore than I had to. However, it was now at the point that I had to tell her what was going on, but I dreaded that talk. But today was not going to be the day with all the company she had over.
I then drove on to the substation, I talked with Areta and she again was supportive and gave me the name of a therapist in case I needed to talk to someone. I then told Cindy- and at one point we both almost broke down, but we both managed to hold it together. I then talked with Dale- between him and Cindy, I know I have a powerful prayer team working for me. I also now know why Dale came to my squad and why Cindy didn't get that C.O.P. job and leave my squad as God knew that I needed both of their strength and faith.
Then the next hard part came when I had to go home and face my husband. It was his birthday- and I can't think of a worse present to give him. The boys had made a birthday banner and birthday cards and placed them on the kitchen table- it was so sweet of Joel to have done that.
Before John came home, I told the boys that I did have cancer again and that I would really need their help and support through this. They seemed to take it well on the surface, but I really don't know what they are thinking deep down inside- I know had I got that kind of news as a child I would be terrified!!
I tried to reassure John, but I know it was like kicking him in the gut to get such bad news. And in many ways, it is harder on him because he is in such a helpless position- I know I would feel that way if the tables were turned.
We did put on a "happy face" and went ahead with our plans to attend the YMCA Annual Board Member Banquet. John received a plaque for his support as a corporate partner.
When we got home, we had cake and ice cream with the boys. All in all we salvaged the evening. That night I received many phone calls of loving care and support- Kathy F, Cindy S, Jim G, Cindy (John's sister), Dot Herron and Steve B (John's cousin).
January 30, 1996- I went over to Rev. Staunton's house to give them the results of my biopsy. Mary B was there, but Jim wasn't, however, as I was finishing up Jim came in and I again told my story. He asked what he and church members could do and I told them only prayer at this point. I did tell him I was worried about John, because the extra stress on him at an already stressed time was more than I thought he could handle.
Dr. Goodchild's office called and I made an appointment to see him at 12:30pm.
After my visit with the Staunton's, I drove to Greensboro to break the news to mom- it was hard, but I must say she took it well. She, of course, was most supportive. I also told her that she is not to let dad know about my condition- he is starting to improve and this news may just send him into major depression.
I went to see Dr. Goodchild at Cone. After examining me and comparing the pictures of the area radiated, his recommendation was not to radiate since the site had been in the radiation field. He also told me that the reason the cancer was in the muscle was because of it's location- there is no fatty tissue for it to go in- so it goes into what is under it which is muscle. He stated that in men this always occurs.
I left Cone and went to see Louise F. I told her the bad news and she was very supportive and wanted me to keep her posted.
At Louise's house, I suddenly realized that I had had so much on my mind that I hadn't even gone by to see dad at Cone while I was there. I ran by mom's house, but didn't have a key to get in, so I went back to Cone Hospital.
After I left Cone, I decided to run by substation to run reports. I talked with Roy who again was very concerned and supportive. I also finally got up with Jim G by phone. I talked with Cindy S at mom's house. I went back to mom's and called my house, Joel had a bunch of messages for me- one was super important to call Dr. Leone. I called his house and he told me he had scheduled me for a CAT scan and chest x-ray for 7pm that night at Cone Hospital.
After I got off the phone with him, I called Cone and they said I could come anytime before 9pm. So I quickly changed clothes and headed for Green's Supper Club where Chief Bateman was having his retirement dinner. I sat with CPT Payne, CPT Hundley, CPT Ingold and LT Lunsford.
Unfortunately, I had to leave about 8:30pm- while they were having their dedications and "roasts" of Chief Bateman.
While at dinner LT Wray, LT Bishop, Chief Daughtry, Chief Bateman, CPT Stewart, SGT Callicut, LT James, and Wofford Boyd all assured me of their support, prayer and concern. It felt good to know so many people cared.
As I left about 8:30, I went outside and found traffic backed up- I panicked as I knew I needed to get to Cone by 9pm- so Dr. Leone could have the CAT Scan and X-rays for his cancer conference on Wednesday morning. I called Cone and explained my situation then managed to detour onto Summit Ave and take the long way. Running like Hell, I did arrive shortly after 9pm- at x-ray they sent me to outpatient admitting to get paperwork.
The nurse was very nice- the CAT Scan was uncomfortable- they put an IV in my arm and I had to keep my arms raised over my head while they did the scan. I had to hold my breath about a million times- I thought I would never get done. Then they took X-rays and I got home after 10pm. Everyone was asleep- I was VERY tired! I woke up about 2:30am and could not go back to sleep- I finally got up and took a pain pill as my chest was hurting. I then dozed briefly.
I immediately drove to the Police Station to see Lt L. (my superior), he was on the phone. I then saw Lt Larry J. and he asked how things were and I told him to tell Karen that if I had surgery in Greensboro I wanted her to be my anesthesiologist. I then ran into Sgt Jim F. and he told me to see him before I left. So since my Lt was still on the phone- I went to see him and I also told him about my situation. He was very supportive.
Finally, I went into the Library with Lt L. and told him what I knew thus far about my cancer and treatment. He also was very supportive and stated he would check into the possibility of puting me on light duty prior to going out on sick leave, as it might save me a few hours on my sick leave. I told him I would keep him posted. He told me to just go home for the day.
I left the PD and went by my mother's house, but she had a driveway full of company. I had not said anything to my mother about the lump I had found, because I knew she would worry me to death. Also, my dad has been suffering from severe depression since Thanksgiving and had spent two weeks at Charter Hills and now was in Cone Hospital. My mom has had her hands full and I really didn't want to burden her down anymore than I had to. However, it was now at the point that I had to tell her what was going on, but I dreaded that talk. But today was not going to be the day with all the company she had over.
I then drove on to the substation, I talked with Areta and she again was supportive and gave me the name of a therapist in case I needed to talk to someone. I then told Cindy- and at one point we both almost broke down, but we both managed to hold it together. I then talked with Dale- between him and Cindy, I know I have a powerful prayer team working for me. I also now know why Dale came to my squad and why Cindy didn't get that C.O.P. job and leave my squad as God knew that I needed both of their strength and faith.
Then the next hard part came when I had to go home and face my husband. It was his birthday- and I can't think of a worse present to give him. The boys had made a birthday banner and birthday cards and placed them on the kitchen table- it was so sweet of Joel to have done that.
Before John came home, I told the boys that I did have cancer again and that I would really need their help and support through this. They seemed to take it well on the surface, but I really don't know what they are thinking deep down inside- I know had I got that kind of news as a child I would be terrified!!
I tried to reassure John, but I know it was like kicking him in the gut to get such bad news. And in many ways, it is harder on him because he is in such a helpless position- I know I would feel that way if the tables were turned.
We did put on a "happy face" and went ahead with our plans to attend the YMCA Annual Board Member Banquet. John received a plaque for his support as a corporate partner.
When we got home, we had cake and ice cream with the boys. All in all we salvaged the evening. That night I received many phone calls of loving care and support- Kathy F, Cindy S, Jim G, Cindy (John's sister), Dot Herron and Steve B (John's cousin).
January 30, 1996- I went over to Rev. Staunton's house to give them the results of my biopsy. Mary B was there, but Jim wasn't, however, as I was finishing up Jim came in and I again told my story. He asked what he and church members could do and I told them only prayer at this point. I did tell him I was worried about John, because the extra stress on him at an already stressed time was more than I thought he could handle.
Dr. Goodchild's office called and I made an appointment to see him at 12:30pm.
After my visit with the Staunton's, I drove to Greensboro to break the news to mom- it was hard, but I must say she took it well. She, of course, was most supportive. I also told her that she is not to let dad know about my condition- he is starting to improve and this news may just send him into major depression.
I went to see Dr. Goodchild at Cone. After examining me and comparing the pictures of the area radiated, his recommendation was not to radiate since the site had been in the radiation field. He also told me that the reason the cancer was in the muscle was because of it's location- there is no fatty tissue for it to go in- so it goes into what is under it which is muscle. He stated that in men this always occurs.
I left Cone and went to see Louise F. I told her the bad news and she was very supportive and wanted me to keep her posted.
At Louise's house, I suddenly realized that I had had so much on my mind that I hadn't even gone by to see dad at Cone while I was there. I ran by mom's house, but didn't have a key to get in, so I went back to Cone Hospital.
After I left Cone, I decided to run by substation to run reports. I talked with Roy who again was very concerned and supportive. I also finally got up with Jim G by phone. I talked with Cindy S at mom's house. I went back to mom's and called my house, Joel had a bunch of messages for me- one was super important to call Dr. Leone. I called his house and he told me he had scheduled me for a CAT scan and chest x-ray for 7pm that night at Cone Hospital.
After I got off the phone with him, I called Cone and they said I could come anytime before 9pm. So I quickly changed clothes and headed for Green's Supper Club where Chief Bateman was having his retirement dinner. I sat with CPT Payne, CPT Hundley, CPT Ingold and LT Lunsford.
Unfortunately, I had to leave about 8:30pm- while they were having their dedications and "roasts" of Chief Bateman.
While at dinner LT Wray, LT Bishop, Chief Daughtry, Chief Bateman, CPT Stewart, SGT Callicut, LT James, and Wofford Boyd all assured me of their support, prayer and concern. It felt good to know so many people cared.
As I left about 8:30, I went outside and found traffic backed up- I panicked as I knew I needed to get to Cone by 9pm- so Dr. Leone could have the CAT Scan and X-rays for his cancer conference on Wednesday morning. I called Cone and explained my situation then managed to detour onto Summit Ave and take the long way. Running like Hell, I did arrive shortly after 9pm- at x-ray they sent me to outpatient admitting to get paperwork.
The nurse was very nice- the CAT Scan was uncomfortable- they put an IV in my arm and I had to keep my arms raised over my head while they did the scan. I had to hold my breath about a million times- I thought I would never get done. Then they took X-rays and I got home after 10pm. Everyone was asleep- I was VERY tired! I woke up about 2:30am and could not go back to sleep- I finally got up and took a pain pill as my chest was hurting. I then dozed briefly.
Chapter 1 (Volume 2)
Sometime the week after Christmas 1995, I felt my breast area and detected a lump on my left chest wall. At first I thought I was just feeling muscle, but in comparing it with my right side- it was definitely different. I was immediately concerned and mentioned it to John. He said, "I want you to get it checked". I assured him that I would as soon as possible. Due to the holidays, I was unable to get an appointment until January 8th, but as luck would have it, the eastern seaboard had a blizzard over the weekend, so my appointment was rescheduled until January 12th. However, I found out we were supposed to get more snow that day, so I scheduled it for January 11th (Thurs).
In the meantime, I periodically would get a burning sensation around my left chest area. I could tell it was not right, it just didn't feel normal. But then, I wasn't so sure that maybe since I now knew it was there- it just bothered me that much more.
January 11, 1996- I scheduled my appointment in the morning so I could go before starting slide shift. Dr. Leone did a needle biopsy. Man, did that ever hurt!! I thought I was going to jump off the table before he finished. I really felt like a pin cushion. I think he stabbed me about 3 times!!! He was going to send off the results, but as usual pathology reports took two days, which meant I would not know the results until Monday, Jan 15th. What a bummer!
January 15th- B & D squads were mobilized today (Martin Luther King Day), because Special Intelligence had found that a big protest had been planned at K-mart. Approx. 75 people were supposed to be arrested. They mobilized about 100+ officers for the occasion. Another big concern was that they were afraid the Klan may decide to get involved. I had no plans on the 15th and was glad to get the time and a half pay. However, it did interfere with my efforts to get my lab results from Dr. Leone's office. I called around 8am and the nurse said she would have to look for them and wanted a number where she could call me. I tried to explain to her without going into detail that I was un-reachable and that I would just have to call her back later. After our briefing in the City Council Chambers at 9am, I again attempted to find out something, but was told that she didn't have the information yet. I then got assigned as a reserve force and B & D Squads staged at the Animal Shelter. Fortunately, we weren't needed and they released us around 1600 hrs. However, Dan and I had to go downtown for afternoon conference. I did finally get to call and this time the nurse said that the needle biopsy came back as showing "ABNORMAL CELLS", but was inconclusive in showing malignancy. So she scheduled me for a biopsy at Dr. Leone's office on 1/25/96 at 10:00am.
(Prior to my biopsy- I don't recall the date, but I talked with Rev Staunton about my pending biopsy and then Friday night the 26th, I went over and talked with Rev Staunton and his wife about my pending results for Monday. )
January 25, 1996- Surprisingly John went with me to Dr. Leone's office- even John's mother came over to wait with John!! I was escorted back to a small surgical operating room. Local novocaine was used to numb the site. It was very strange- I felt like I was being dissected, being conscious seeing blood and tissue being taken out of me! I definitely prefer it when they put me to sleep!! The incision was not large and unlike my last biopsy two years ago the tumor was not removed- only small samples were taken. But, once again, I was having the procedure done on a Thursday- which meant I would have to wait until Monday for the lab results. It is such a waiting game- a test of nerves. The nurse did say that should the lab results come in late on Friday, they would call me.
On January 24, 1996, my Corporal PJ had a heart attack. He was only 41, but fortunately, it was not fatal and did not result in any major damage to his heart. A blessed warning sign! However, his heart attack put a new twist on my situation. I was scheduled to be off all shift, but went back to work the last two days, 28th and 29th.
January 28th- It felt strange being in uniform without my vest, but due to the location of the tumor, my vest would have really hurt to wear. As it was, just wearing a shoulder strap seat belt was uncomfortable. Several members of D Squad made comments that they did not expect to see me for awhile (I don't know what they had been told concerning my pending results!). A couple of my squad members indicated they knew something. I did talk to Cindy and told her about my situation and that I would be getting the test results back on Monday. I also mentioned to Dale that I would put him in charge around 1200hrs on Monday, so that I wouldn't have to concentrate on listening out for the squad.
In the meantime, I periodically would get a burning sensation around my left chest area. I could tell it was not right, it just didn't feel normal. But then, I wasn't so sure that maybe since I now knew it was there- it just bothered me that much more.
January 11, 1996- I scheduled my appointment in the morning so I could go before starting slide shift. Dr. Leone did a needle biopsy. Man, did that ever hurt!! I thought I was going to jump off the table before he finished. I really felt like a pin cushion. I think he stabbed me about 3 times!!! He was going to send off the results, but as usual pathology reports took two days, which meant I would not know the results until Monday, Jan 15th. What a bummer!
January 15th- B & D squads were mobilized today (Martin Luther King Day), because Special Intelligence had found that a big protest had been planned at K-mart. Approx. 75 people were supposed to be arrested. They mobilized about 100+ officers for the occasion. Another big concern was that they were afraid the Klan may decide to get involved. I had no plans on the 15th and was glad to get the time and a half pay. However, it did interfere with my efforts to get my lab results from Dr. Leone's office. I called around 8am and the nurse said she would have to look for them and wanted a number where she could call me. I tried to explain to her without going into detail that I was un-reachable and that I would just have to call her back later. After our briefing in the City Council Chambers at 9am, I again attempted to find out something, but was told that she didn't have the information yet. I then got assigned as a reserve force and B & D Squads staged at the Animal Shelter. Fortunately, we weren't needed and they released us around 1600 hrs. However, Dan and I had to go downtown for afternoon conference. I did finally get to call and this time the nurse said that the needle biopsy came back as showing "ABNORMAL CELLS", but was inconclusive in showing malignancy. So she scheduled me for a biopsy at Dr. Leone's office on 1/25/96 at 10:00am.
(Prior to my biopsy- I don't recall the date, but I talked with Rev Staunton about my pending biopsy and then Friday night the 26th, I went over and talked with Rev Staunton and his wife about my pending results for Monday. )
January 25, 1996- Surprisingly John went with me to Dr. Leone's office- even John's mother came over to wait with John!! I was escorted back to a small surgical operating room. Local novocaine was used to numb the site. It was very strange- I felt like I was being dissected, being conscious seeing blood and tissue being taken out of me! I definitely prefer it when they put me to sleep!! The incision was not large and unlike my last biopsy two years ago the tumor was not removed- only small samples were taken. But, once again, I was having the procedure done on a Thursday- which meant I would have to wait until Monday for the lab results. It is such a waiting game- a test of nerves. The nurse did say that should the lab results come in late on Friday, they would call me.
On January 24, 1996, my Corporal PJ had a heart attack. He was only 41, but fortunately, it was not fatal and did not result in any major damage to his heart. A blessed warning sign! However, his heart attack put a new twist on my situation. I was scheduled to be off all shift, but went back to work the last two days, 28th and 29th.
January 28th- It felt strange being in uniform without my vest, but due to the location of the tumor, my vest would have really hurt to wear. As it was, just wearing a shoulder strap seat belt was uncomfortable. Several members of D Squad made comments that they did not expect to see me for awhile (I don't know what they had been told concerning my pending results!). A couple of my squad members indicated they knew something. I did talk to Cindy and told her about my situation and that I would be getting the test results back on Monday. I also mentioned to Dale that I would put him in charge around 1200hrs on Monday, so that I wouldn't have to concentrate on listening out for the squad.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Chapter 4 (Volume 1)
May 28- I had a great night's sleep last night. I slept on top of the guest bed, it was soft and very comfortable.
I got up at around 0630 and took a shower- which felt good after not having one for five days. It was so relaxing without the boys around- I love them, but it sure is nice to get a break! I did chores around the house- folding clothes, ironing, etc I drove my car today and got it washed. John picked me up around 4pm and I drove with him on his wedding deliveries to Greensboro. We got back around 6:20 and mom, dad, Bruce and Joel were here. Mom brought dinner (to celebrate Bruce's birthday). Marti, Sara and John all ate dinner (they took a break from their weddings).
The staples in my breast and under my arms are driving me crazy!! I can't wait to get them taken out.
May 29- Our 17th Wedding Anniversary!! I got up around 6:45am. Sara had spent the night in our guest room- I was going to sleep in there, because that bed is so soft, but I slept on top of Spencer's bed. John was busy doing a wedding all day. It was so peaceful in the house with the boys gone all weekend! I watched some more of the movie "The Fugitive", before Dot, Cindy, Kathleen and Spencer came. We said our farewells to Cindy and then Dot took her to the airport.
After they left, Spencer and I finished watching "The Fugitive" and then played some "Clue". Spencer fell asleep and I just rested. John came and we drove to Greensboro to get Joel from Mom's house.
I'm feeling better, but the staples are really bothering me- I can't wait to get them out. I should go back to work on Wednesday, but I'm going to try and be out through Friday as I had originally planned to do.
May 30- Memorial Day! The kids had school today. John had to run to Greensboro & High Point. I finished watching "The Firm"- it was such a successful movie- I really liked it.
John was supposed to come home before noon- so we could go to Lexington. He did not get home until 2:30pm. Then on the way to Lexington, he saw a yard sale and we spent about an hour there. By the time we got to Lexington- it was much later than we planned to be there. We went to an antique place and looked around, unfortunately I had to be the nag and remind John that we needed to eat so we could get back in time to pick up Spencer. It was not the nice fun- relaxing time that we both had planned on. We got home and I was rushed to get the boys fed- then took Spencer to school for Honor Court. On our return home- I reminded John that we HAD to go to the grocery store- so needless to say, we were at each other's throats due to stress, but eventually we got over it!
May 31- My incision was really bothering me! I had an appointment at 10:00am to get the staples taken out. I have been bathing the scar area with Vitamin E creme in hopes that it will help heal it quickly. I got the slip to return to duty next Monday on light duty. I'm not really looking forward to going back. I finished writing all my thank you notes today.
June 3- My last convalescent day! I sure will miss these days of leisure- it's back to the salt mines next week. Mom came over at 11am and we went to Joel's school for their 5th grade luncheon. It was lots of fun. Joel was voted "most respected" out of his class and received a certificate and a pocket calculator. I was so proud of him! They had a really nice program. Afterwards I went with mom to Thomasville Furniture Outlet. John was doing weddings in Greensboro- so I fed the kids and rented them a couple videos, then went to a dinner party at Jimmy & Jerome's. Bob R was in town. It was a nice party.
June 4- Went to 4 Seasons Mall- Joel got Birkenstocks for his birthday.
June 5- My LAST convalescent day- BOO! Dot came over for lunch- then watched a movie with kids. Had to get to bed early. My breast is still sore and still feels swollen- my arm is still sore also, but I guess with time it will heal.
June 6- My first day back at work. It was good seeing friends and co-workers again. Many were surprised to see me back- others I'm sure thought "she doesn't even look sick!"
My breast got really swollen and uncomfortable today- it felt like my bra was cutting into me. I was so miserable that I bought an ice pack and after dinner and after the kids got to bed- I went straight to bed with the ice pack. I woke up twice in the night and re-applied ice pack.
June 7- Breasts still seem real swollen and sensitive. I hate to call the doctor as they may be perfectly normal. Work as been o.k.- no real stressors right now.
June 8-10- Fairly quiet week. Enjoyed not being swamped. On Friday, I had my first appointment with Dr. Goodchild at Cone Hospital. He looked me over and scheduled me for the evaluation/set-up appointment on June 16th.
I found out this week that Vicki in Budget and Evaluation had the same thing as I did and is undergoing radiation treatments now. I went up to see her on Thursday, but she was in a meeting- then I found out that she will be on vacation until June 20th. I'm anxious to talk to her.
June 15th Today I was scheduled to do all the logistics prior to scheduling radiation treatments. I went into a room where the technician explained the procedure. I laid down on a table (afer changing into a hospital gown). My upper torso was laid into a form. The technician mixed up some chemicals and poured them into the form. As I laid in it- it got very warm and bubbled up- (2) technicians modeled the form around my upper torso. After they got the mold the way they wanted it- the table was raised up and moved under by a big machine. I was laying flat with my left arm raised and bent at the elbow. My right arm was down at my right side. My head was turned to the right- making it hard to see what they were doing. Approx. 4 nurses and technicians began buzzing around me- making marks and taking numerous measurements on my left breast. I had to just lay there for over an hour and just let them draw & measure their hearts out. I couldn't see what they were doing, but once finished when I looked in the mirror- I was shocked! There were lines, x's & o's- it looked like an elaborate battle plan!!
June 16- I went back today and they took some x-rays based on all the angles they lined up before. Then I had to go upstairs and have a CAT scan taken. They said the reason for the CAT scan was to determine the depth of radiation. After my x-rays, I went to visit with Cindy Shane. She just found out the lump from her breast was malignant- so I went to fill her in as to what she had in store for her. She seemed very appreciative of my taking time to answer her questions. This week I also answered questions and talked with Lt Annie S. as she is scheduled for a biopsy this coming Tuesday. I'm starting to understand why I got cancer- maybe it is so I can help others.
June 20- I talked with Vicki C today- she has just finished radiation treatments. I also found out that Cindy Shane had surgery today. I had my first radiation treatment today- there was really nothing to it! I was worried they would be upset that so much of my markings had washed off, but they didn't seem to be worried about it. After taking treatment, I was weighed 118 (on my scales at home I weigh 115), then I spoke with Dr. Goodchild.
After leaving Cone Hospital, I drove to Wesley Long and stopped in to see Cindy Shane. She seemed to be doing well after her surgery today- she will go home tomorrow.
June 21- Had 2nd treatment today. Was really wiped out when I got home. John took the boys to Taco Bell and I rested and slept for about 2 hours.
June 22- Had blood drawn in addition to treatment. Today was a real downer- I found out by way of a memo that SGT Brody got the Personnel Sergeant's job!! It was a real shock to me as I really thought I would land that job based on my past experience. I was upset, because I felt like CPT Payne probably sold me short. I did talk to him for about an hour- although initially he was in favor of the transfer- today he stated it would not have been a good career move. He is convinced that my best shot at promotion is to go back to the field and get some more field operational experience. I know deep down he is probably right- however, I hate leaving my admin. "comfort zone". I am really in a dilema as to what to do regarding my future with the Greensboro Police Department. On one hand, I would like to be promoted, but on the other hand, I am very leary about the stress level and confidence that I have in my own abilities. I discussed my future career with John- he says he will support me in whatever I decide to do, but when things get rough in trying to juggle career and family I know he will complain and hold it against me. I have never faced a cross-roads like this before- I am just going to have to pray for guidance as to what to do!
This first week of treatments have not been bad at all. Other than just feeling tired- I don't really see any other problems. Just 5 more weeks to go!
June 26- I had drill- so John took Joel to Boy Scout Camp in Browns Summit. Joan came over while we were gone and brought by a taco salad. It was a busy weekend at drill. I didn't have any idle time on my hands and then I came home to clothes to fold and iron- what fun!
July 1- I ran today for the first time since my biopsy! It felt great. I only ran 3 1/2 miles and was pretty tired when I finished, but I feel like I'm getting back to normal. Treatments are going fine. I am red and tender, but as long as I don't touch my nipple- I'm o.k. So far the radiation treatments have not worn me down too bad! 4 weeks to go!!
July 11- I've now had 15 treatments- I'm really starting to be tired out from the treatments. My energy level is definitely below normal. I'm exercising, but only able to run 3 1/2 miles (which is a challenge)! My breast is red, sore and tender, but as long as I don't touch or bump it- I can deal with it.
July 27- Today I start my final six days of treatment. I am now on another machine. For my last six treatments- they will concentrate on the tumor site. My appointment time has changed to 5:30pm which means I won't get home until about 6:30pm. John and the boys have gone on vacation to the mountains this week so it is my R & R time!
On August 3, 1994 I had my last radiation treatment- I was glad, but a little sad too. Taking treatment everyday has become such a comforting routine that I will really miss those familiar faces each day. However, on the other hand- it symbolizes that the final stage of my breast cancer recovery is over with.
Cancer has brought with it a mixed bag. In many ways (oddly enough) it has been an extremely positive experience! It has also been the scariest experience I have encountered in my adult life. It made me realize how important life and family are to me. It made me appreciate the "little" things and prioritize- concentrate on the important things. God has always blessed me with family and friends who care- I was deeply touched by all the cards, letters and phone calls I received. Their love, prayers and concern got me through some tough times.
Life is precious and for now it is God's Will for me to live- it is obvious that He has more plans for my life. I am grateful for His Mercy and Love. I truly thank Him for my recovery!
I got up at around 0630 and took a shower- which felt good after not having one for five days. It was so relaxing without the boys around- I love them, but it sure is nice to get a break! I did chores around the house- folding clothes, ironing, etc I drove my car today and got it washed. John picked me up around 4pm and I drove with him on his wedding deliveries to Greensboro. We got back around 6:20 and mom, dad, Bruce and Joel were here. Mom brought dinner (to celebrate Bruce's birthday). Marti, Sara and John all ate dinner (they took a break from their weddings).
The staples in my breast and under my arms are driving me crazy!! I can't wait to get them taken out.
May 29- Our 17th Wedding Anniversary!! I got up around 6:45am. Sara had spent the night in our guest room- I was going to sleep in there, because that bed is so soft, but I slept on top of Spencer's bed. John was busy doing a wedding all day. It was so peaceful in the house with the boys gone all weekend! I watched some more of the movie "The Fugitive", before Dot, Cindy, Kathleen and Spencer came. We said our farewells to Cindy and then Dot took her to the airport.
After they left, Spencer and I finished watching "The Fugitive" and then played some "Clue". Spencer fell asleep and I just rested. John came and we drove to Greensboro to get Joel from Mom's house.
I'm feeling better, but the staples are really bothering me- I can't wait to get them out. I should go back to work on Wednesday, but I'm going to try and be out through Friday as I had originally planned to do.
May 30- Memorial Day! The kids had school today. John had to run to Greensboro & High Point. I finished watching "The Firm"- it was such a successful movie- I really liked it.
John was supposed to come home before noon- so we could go to Lexington. He did not get home until 2:30pm. Then on the way to Lexington, he saw a yard sale and we spent about an hour there. By the time we got to Lexington- it was much later than we planned to be there. We went to an antique place and looked around, unfortunately I had to be the nag and remind John that we needed to eat so we could get back in time to pick up Spencer. It was not the nice fun- relaxing time that we both had planned on. We got home and I was rushed to get the boys fed- then took Spencer to school for Honor Court. On our return home- I reminded John that we HAD to go to the grocery store- so needless to say, we were at each other's throats due to stress, but eventually we got over it!
May 31- My incision was really bothering me! I had an appointment at 10:00am to get the staples taken out. I have been bathing the scar area with Vitamin E creme in hopes that it will help heal it quickly. I got the slip to return to duty next Monday on light duty. I'm not really looking forward to going back. I finished writing all my thank you notes today.
June 3- My last convalescent day! I sure will miss these days of leisure- it's back to the salt mines next week. Mom came over at 11am and we went to Joel's school for their 5th grade luncheon. It was lots of fun. Joel was voted "most respected" out of his class and received a certificate and a pocket calculator. I was so proud of him! They had a really nice program. Afterwards I went with mom to Thomasville Furniture Outlet. John was doing weddings in Greensboro- so I fed the kids and rented them a couple videos, then went to a dinner party at Jimmy & Jerome's. Bob R was in town. It was a nice party.
June 4- Went to 4 Seasons Mall- Joel got Birkenstocks for his birthday.
June 5- My LAST convalescent day- BOO! Dot came over for lunch- then watched a movie with kids. Had to get to bed early. My breast is still sore and still feels swollen- my arm is still sore also, but I guess with time it will heal.
June 6- My first day back at work. It was good seeing friends and co-workers again. Many were surprised to see me back- others I'm sure thought "she doesn't even look sick!"
My breast got really swollen and uncomfortable today- it felt like my bra was cutting into me. I was so miserable that I bought an ice pack and after dinner and after the kids got to bed- I went straight to bed with the ice pack. I woke up twice in the night and re-applied ice pack.
June 7- Breasts still seem real swollen and sensitive. I hate to call the doctor as they may be perfectly normal. Work as been o.k.- no real stressors right now.
June 8-10- Fairly quiet week. Enjoyed not being swamped. On Friday, I had my first appointment with Dr. Goodchild at Cone Hospital. He looked me over and scheduled me for the evaluation/set-up appointment on June 16th.
I found out this week that Vicki in Budget and Evaluation had the same thing as I did and is undergoing radiation treatments now. I went up to see her on Thursday, but she was in a meeting- then I found out that she will be on vacation until June 20th. I'm anxious to talk to her.
June 15th Today I was scheduled to do all the logistics prior to scheduling radiation treatments. I went into a room where the technician explained the procedure. I laid down on a table (afer changing into a hospital gown). My upper torso was laid into a form. The technician mixed up some chemicals and poured them into the form. As I laid in it- it got very warm and bubbled up- (2) technicians modeled the form around my upper torso. After they got the mold the way they wanted it- the table was raised up and moved under by a big machine. I was laying flat with my left arm raised and bent at the elbow. My right arm was down at my right side. My head was turned to the right- making it hard to see what they were doing. Approx. 4 nurses and technicians began buzzing around me- making marks and taking numerous measurements on my left breast. I had to just lay there for over an hour and just let them draw & measure their hearts out. I couldn't see what they were doing, but once finished when I looked in the mirror- I was shocked! There were lines, x's & o's- it looked like an elaborate battle plan!!
June 16- I went back today and they took some x-rays based on all the angles they lined up before. Then I had to go upstairs and have a CAT scan taken. They said the reason for the CAT scan was to determine the depth of radiation. After my x-rays, I went to visit with Cindy Shane. She just found out the lump from her breast was malignant- so I went to fill her in as to what she had in store for her. She seemed very appreciative of my taking time to answer her questions. This week I also answered questions and talked with Lt Annie S. as she is scheduled for a biopsy this coming Tuesday. I'm starting to understand why I got cancer- maybe it is so I can help others.
June 20- I talked with Vicki C today- she has just finished radiation treatments. I also found out that Cindy Shane had surgery today. I had my first radiation treatment today- there was really nothing to it! I was worried they would be upset that so much of my markings had washed off, but they didn't seem to be worried about it. After taking treatment, I was weighed 118 (on my scales at home I weigh 115), then I spoke with Dr. Goodchild.
After leaving Cone Hospital, I drove to Wesley Long and stopped in to see Cindy Shane. She seemed to be doing well after her surgery today- she will go home tomorrow.
June 21- Had 2nd treatment today. Was really wiped out when I got home. John took the boys to Taco Bell and I rested and slept for about 2 hours.
June 22- Had blood drawn in addition to treatment. Today was a real downer- I found out by way of a memo that SGT Brody got the Personnel Sergeant's job!! It was a real shock to me as I really thought I would land that job based on my past experience. I was upset, because I felt like CPT Payne probably sold me short. I did talk to him for about an hour- although initially he was in favor of the transfer- today he stated it would not have been a good career move. He is convinced that my best shot at promotion is to go back to the field and get some more field operational experience. I know deep down he is probably right- however, I hate leaving my admin. "comfort zone". I am really in a dilema as to what to do regarding my future with the Greensboro Police Department. On one hand, I would like to be promoted, but on the other hand, I am very leary about the stress level and confidence that I have in my own abilities. I discussed my future career with John- he says he will support me in whatever I decide to do, but when things get rough in trying to juggle career and family I know he will complain and hold it against me. I have never faced a cross-roads like this before- I am just going to have to pray for guidance as to what to do!
This first week of treatments have not been bad at all. Other than just feeling tired- I don't really see any other problems. Just 5 more weeks to go!
June 26- I had drill- so John took Joel to Boy Scout Camp in Browns Summit. Joan came over while we were gone and brought by a taco salad. It was a busy weekend at drill. I didn't have any idle time on my hands and then I came home to clothes to fold and iron- what fun!
July 1- I ran today for the first time since my biopsy! It felt great. I only ran 3 1/2 miles and was pretty tired when I finished, but I feel like I'm getting back to normal. Treatments are going fine. I am red and tender, but as long as I don't touch my nipple- I'm o.k. So far the radiation treatments have not worn me down too bad! 4 weeks to go!!
July 11- I've now had 15 treatments- I'm really starting to be tired out from the treatments. My energy level is definitely below normal. I'm exercising, but only able to run 3 1/2 miles (which is a challenge)! My breast is red, sore and tender, but as long as I don't touch or bump it- I can deal with it.
July 27- Today I start my final six days of treatment. I am now on another machine. For my last six treatments- they will concentrate on the tumor site. My appointment time has changed to 5:30pm which means I won't get home until about 6:30pm. John and the boys have gone on vacation to the mountains this week so it is my R & R time!
On August 3, 1994 I had my last radiation treatment- I was glad, but a little sad too. Taking treatment everyday has become such a comforting routine that I will really miss those familiar faces each day. However, on the other hand- it symbolizes that the final stage of my breast cancer recovery is over with.
Cancer has brought with it a mixed bag. In many ways (oddly enough) it has been an extremely positive experience! It has also been the scariest experience I have encountered in my adult life. It made me realize how important life and family are to me. It made me appreciate the "little" things and prioritize- concentrate on the important things. God has always blessed me with family and friends who care- I was deeply touched by all the cards, letters and phone calls I received. Their love, prayers and concern got me through some tough times.
Life is precious and for now it is God's Will for me to live- it is obvious that He has more plans for my life. I am grateful for His Mercy and Love. I truly thank Him for my recovery!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Chapter 3 (Volume 1)
Monday, May 23rd- I was up early getting ready for my big day. I got the boys off to school and cleaned up waiting on John. We left the house at 8:22 and then had to run by his shop. I was serious and a little bit miffed that I would probably be late getting to Cone Hospital. I was deep in my own thoughts about surgery and didn't talk much. I was worried about getting there late. We arrived at Cone Hospital about 9:05am then proceeded up to the 2nd floor. We wandered around, but finally found the surgery admitting desk. Mom, Dad, Cindy and their minister, Darrell Bodie were waiting on us. I walked up to the desk and gave them my name. Mom was holding onto me saying "Here she is", and I suddenly felt like I was 3 years old and told mom to get her arms off of me. I was just so nervous- I didn't want to be smothered.
After giving them my name, I was handed a sack of clothes and slipper socks to put on and escorted to the bathroom. The lady said to take off everything, but I just couldn't bear parting with my underpants so I left them on. After dressing, I went back in with the entourage and Darrell Bodie said a prayer for me. Then I was taken back where a nurse checked my vital signs and asked me if I had any questions. Then I was taken into a waiting room area. I looked at a magazine and watched some of Jackie Kennedy Onasis' funeral.
At about 1010 hours, a nurse came to get me- I was wheeled over to the pre-opp area. I was put on a gurney and an IV- was put into my right arm. The nurse asked me if I was "naked" underneath and I said I still had on my underpants and she gave me a plastic bag to put them in. She also said that while I was waiting, she would track down my husband to come see me before surgery.
Karen came and introduced herself as my anesthesia nurse. I was anxious to meet her as she was Larry James fiancee. She was really nice and was very helpful in answering questions. They tracked down John and he came to visit me while I was waiting for surgery.
While waiting I felt like an airplane waiting to get the signal from the tower for takeoff! Karen came and told me that Dr. Leone was delayed due to surgery he was performing at Wesley Long Hospital.
John stayed with me about a half an hour then they chased him off, because they said a real critical patient was due out of surgery. They shut the drapes around my bed until the patient was taken away. Charles from church stopped in briefly and said he was praying for me.
Finally Karen brought me a magazine to read while I waited on Dr. Leone. Finally, Dr. Leone showed up- he apologized for the delay- although he couldn't have helped it. I just felt bad that he had to do back to back surgery.
Karen along with another nurse wheeled me into operating room #7. I noticed passing a clock- it was 12noon- the time I would have been coming out of surgery. I remember getting onto the operating table and then Karen said she had put something in my IV that would make me sleepy. I remember feeling fuzzy and then I was out like a light.
The next thing I remember I was in the recovery room. I was kind of tossing and turning and was very uncomfortable. I noticed the clock and it was 1:30pm. Finally the nurse gave me a shot of some pain medicine and that calmed me down.
After a short time, they wheeled me up to my room. I was still very groggy and just kind of dozed. Mom and John came up.
When I woke up, I felt like my mouth was like cotton- I was so dried out. I also had the urge to urinate- so I got up a couple times, but just couldn't go. Finally, John gave me some coke- it really tasted great, but when I got up to go to the bathroom I got sick to my stomach and threw up.
The nurse came in and gave me a shot of anti-nausea medicine which made me real sleepy. I dozed off for awhile. When I woke up I really had the urge to go to the bathroom, but I still couldn't go- so the nurse had to catherize me. I felt some relief, but for the next day urination was painful.
Darrell Brodie came back in and prayed with me again. Later Wofford Boyd, our Police Chaplain came to visit.
John took a break and met with Sarah in the hospital cafeteria for dinner.
I wasn't at all hungry- so I just had jello and juice for dinner. My mouth was still like cotton.
John came up and stayed with me and we watched the Barbara Walter's Special. He finally left around 9pm. I felt sorry for John, because sitting around is not his thing- so he had a trying day just waiting. Cindy had picked up Spencer from school, fed them and put them to bed- so John could stay with me.
Late that night, Candi Lombardo called me and we talked awhile. Then some customer of John's called me to wish me well.
With the ringer's solution constantly being pumped into my IV- I had to go to the bathroom constantly- which was a real pain as I had to unplug the IV machine and push it into the bathroom with me. But at least I didn't have any more trouble going. I fell asleep around 10pm, but around 11pm, the nurse came in and asked if I didn't want something for pain. I really wasn't in a lot of pain, but thought if I took something I would sleep better. So the nurse came in and gave me a shot in my hip. I then went to the bathroom and on the way back to my bed, I was getting dizzy so I knew the medicine was kicking in. I slept like the dead that night- so I was glad I got that shot.
May 24th- I woke up and ate a light breakfast- mostly jello and juice. My mouth was still dry and cottony- so I tried to drink some ice water. Dr. Leone came in around 9am. He said he ended up taking more tissue than he expected, but he wanted to be safe. He said everything looked o.k., but he wouldn't officially have the pathology report back for 2 days. He told me he wanted to see me on Friday and he would probably take out the lymph drain at that time. I also will find out what the pathology report shows- I hope for good news!
John got to the hospital around 11:00am. He went down to the hospital cafeteria for coffee and he brought me some cookies- which were very good!
Dr. Goodchild from Radiation/Oncology came to see me before I could be discharged. He said he would see me again on June 10th for an initial consultation.
John got me home around 1:00pm- I slept for a couple hours that afternoon. Cindy came around 4pm and picked up the kids. Dot fixed us country style steak for dinner. After dinner, the boys got in a fight over the scrabble game. They were their usual self (never mind being good for mom!).
I received an azalea plant from Doug. I also got calls from several friends including Larry Thompson.
May 25th- slept late since Cindy was here to get the kids up. Before Cindy left she helped me wash and dry my hair. I then took a bath and began feeling like a human being again. I even put on some make-up. I got a lot of phone calls today: mom, Dot, Capt Payne, Larry James, Jim Gunn, Lt Lunsford, Doyle Batten, Tammy Pardue, Kathy Flock and more- I tried to sleep some in the afternoon, but I mainly just dozed.
I received a flower arrangement from Clarke from Plants and Answers, along with some get well cards.
At around 6pm, Peggy Graham brought a ham by from her and Loretta. Shortly after Lisa Horne, Diana Reed and Diedre Everhart brought a bunch of food by. Then Nancy Rice and her daughter brought some more food by.
I went ahead and fed the boys then John drove Joel to his birthday party at Skateland. Spencer took a bath. John and I ate supper on the front porch. Right after we ate, Debbie Masula dropped by and I visited with her. Then she and John went to pick up Joel and Morgan at the skating rink.
May 26th- Cindy and Kathleen came over about 0930am. We watched TV and then while eating lunch Larry James and his fiancee, Karen, came over to the house. Larry brought me a big fruit basket from Captain Payne, Lt Lunsford and Lt James. I visited with Larry and Karen for about an hour. After they left, Cindy and I watched the movie "MY BREASTS". I fell asleep about half way through and slept in my chair all afternoon. Doug Russ called today along with Julie Parks and Paul Thurmond. Dot stopped by and brought me a box of chocolates from Carolyn Duncan (from her office). Tammy Pardue stopped by and visited for a few minutes. I received several cards from church members and co-workers. I am quite anxious to see Dr. Leone tomorrow as I want to find out what the pathology report will show.
May 27th- I slept on the couch last night because the bed had been so hard and uncomfortable the night before. Also, John had such a hard day-that he really needed a good night sleep and so felt that my tossing and turning may keep him from getting his rest. So- I slept downstairs on the couch. I had a very fitful sleep- i kept dreaming about the pathology report.
I got up around 5:15am and took a quick bath and put on my make-up in preparation for my doctor's appointment. I got everyone else up at around 6am.
Cindy, Kathleen and I left right after 8am for Dr. Leone's office. I got there about 8:45am, nervous and very anxious to talk to Dr. Leone. I had to urinate a lot, but thought that it was just nerves. I was hoping to get "Lynn" the nurse that had been so nice to me the day I found out about the cancer, but I got another nurse instead. I went in and took off my top- the nurse then proceeded to "rip" off the bandages and then messed with the lymph drain trying to get it unclogged.
Looking down at my breast was encouraging, because it looked the same as before, but from my angle I couldn't see the part that had been operated on.
Dr. Leone was about 45 minutes late- again he was in surgery- so he couldn't help himself. The waiting was agonizing- I was so anxious to find out the results of surgery.
Finally, he arrived- cheerful as ever. He immediately looked at my file and produced a typed pathology report. He brought it over and I anxiously scanned it- to my relief the magic words were:
FINAL DIAGNOSIS:
I. FEMALE BREAST-NO RESIDUAL CARCINOMA IDENTIFIED; MARGINS FREE OF TUMOR; FINDINGS CONSISTENT WITH PREVIOUS BIOPSY SITE
II. LYMPH NODES (20) NEGATIVE FOR TUMOR
That was truly music to my eyes and ears!!
Dr. Leone then examined my breast. His poking and feeling were not comforting, as I was very bruised, but I knew he had to. He decided to take out the lymph drain and as I laid on my right side- it felt like he "ripped" it out- he also took out the stitches around it. Then he said there was some fluid in my breast as it was slightly swollen- so he got a syringe and aspirated some blood and fluid.
Oh, while waiting for Dr. Leone to arrive- I decided to look at my breast for the first time since surgery. It wasn't bad looking at all- in fact I was pleasantly surprised that most of it was still there. There were staples under my left arm where he had cut to take the lymph nodes out. But all in all- I was pleased, because I still had a breast- I was so thankful I had decided on the lumpectomy!
Dr. Leone said that I needed to come back on Tuesday or Wednesday, he wouldn't be there- I needed to get the staples removed. He also said he needed to see me in a month. He asked about my appointment with Dr. Goodchild and I told him it was on June 10th. He also said he wanted me to get a consult with an oncologist.
When I checked out- I was given a copy of the pathology report (a real souvenir!). I made an appointment for Tuesday, May 31st for my staple removal and June 22nd to see Dr. Leone again. I also paid $37.75 for charges my insurance did not cover.
Cindy, Cathleen and I then drove to my parent's house and broke the good news to mom and dad. I also called the office- CPT Payne was not in, but I talked to LT Lunsford. He was glad to hear my good news. I also found out that Ronny Slaughter got promoted to sergeant and Bill Barnes got promoted to Lieutenant! That was kind of a surprise. Later that day, I talked to Jim Gunn- I figured he would really be down with the promotions, but he was surprisingly taking it well.
Mom took me, Bruce, Cindy and Kathleen out to lunch to celebrate my good news. We went to Spring Garden Brewing Company at Guilford College. After lunch, Cindy took Kathleen to her mom's, then drove me back to Thomasville- Bruce followed her so he could take her back and leave me my car.
Cindy took Spencer and Joel to Greensboro. Joel went to my mom's and Spencer went to John's mom's.
Just to back up- by the time I got home from Greensboro- I realized I had developed a bladder infection- so I called Dr. Leone's office and got a prescription phoned into the Medicine Shoppe- which Cindy picked up for me before she left.
The bladder infection was really bothering me- it was more uncomfortable than the surgery had been.
Charles from church came by and I shared the good news with him. He visited for a few minutes then prayed with me.
Mom gave me a present from Martha Mitchell and some of her friends- it was a book called "CANCER BATTLE PLAN"- it was really good.
After giving them my name, I was handed a sack of clothes and slipper socks to put on and escorted to the bathroom. The lady said to take off everything, but I just couldn't bear parting with my underpants so I left them on. After dressing, I went back in with the entourage and Darrell Bodie said a prayer for me. Then I was taken back where a nurse checked my vital signs and asked me if I had any questions. Then I was taken into a waiting room area. I looked at a magazine and watched some of Jackie Kennedy Onasis' funeral.
At about 1010 hours, a nurse came to get me- I was wheeled over to the pre-opp area. I was put on a gurney and an IV- was put into my right arm. The nurse asked me if I was "naked" underneath and I said I still had on my underpants and she gave me a plastic bag to put them in. She also said that while I was waiting, she would track down my husband to come see me before surgery.
Karen came and introduced herself as my anesthesia nurse. I was anxious to meet her as she was Larry James fiancee. She was really nice and was very helpful in answering questions. They tracked down John and he came to visit me while I was waiting for surgery.
While waiting I felt like an airplane waiting to get the signal from the tower for takeoff! Karen came and told me that Dr. Leone was delayed due to surgery he was performing at Wesley Long Hospital.
John stayed with me about a half an hour then they chased him off, because they said a real critical patient was due out of surgery. They shut the drapes around my bed until the patient was taken away. Charles from church stopped in briefly and said he was praying for me.
Finally Karen brought me a magazine to read while I waited on Dr. Leone. Finally, Dr. Leone showed up- he apologized for the delay- although he couldn't have helped it. I just felt bad that he had to do back to back surgery.
Karen along with another nurse wheeled me into operating room #7. I noticed passing a clock- it was 12noon- the time I would have been coming out of surgery. I remember getting onto the operating table and then Karen said she had put something in my IV that would make me sleepy. I remember feeling fuzzy and then I was out like a light.
The next thing I remember I was in the recovery room. I was kind of tossing and turning and was very uncomfortable. I noticed the clock and it was 1:30pm. Finally the nurse gave me a shot of some pain medicine and that calmed me down.
After a short time, they wheeled me up to my room. I was still very groggy and just kind of dozed. Mom and John came up.
When I woke up, I felt like my mouth was like cotton- I was so dried out. I also had the urge to urinate- so I got up a couple times, but just couldn't go. Finally, John gave me some coke- it really tasted great, but when I got up to go to the bathroom I got sick to my stomach and threw up.
The nurse came in and gave me a shot of anti-nausea medicine which made me real sleepy. I dozed off for awhile. When I woke up I really had the urge to go to the bathroom, but I still couldn't go- so the nurse had to catherize me. I felt some relief, but for the next day urination was painful.
Darrell Brodie came back in and prayed with me again. Later Wofford Boyd, our Police Chaplain came to visit.
John took a break and met with Sarah in the hospital cafeteria for dinner.
I wasn't at all hungry- so I just had jello and juice for dinner. My mouth was still like cotton.
John came up and stayed with me and we watched the Barbara Walter's Special. He finally left around 9pm. I felt sorry for John, because sitting around is not his thing- so he had a trying day just waiting. Cindy had picked up Spencer from school, fed them and put them to bed- so John could stay with me.
Late that night, Candi Lombardo called me and we talked awhile. Then some customer of John's called me to wish me well.
With the ringer's solution constantly being pumped into my IV- I had to go to the bathroom constantly- which was a real pain as I had to unplug the IV machine and push it into the bathroom with me. But at least I didn't have any more trouble going. I fell asleep around 10pm, but around 11pm, the nurse came in and asked if I didn't want something for pain. I really wasn't in a lot of pain, but thought if I took something I would sleep better. So the nurse came in and gave me a shot in my hip. I then went to the bathroom and on the way back to my bed, I was getting dizzy so I knew the medicine was kicking in. I slept like the dead that night- so I was glad I got that shot.
May 24th- I woke up and ate a light breakfast- mostly jello and juice. My mouth was still dry and cottony- so I tried to drink some ice water. Dr. Leone came in around 9am. He said he ended up taking more tissue than he expected, but he wanted to be safe. He said everything looked o.k., but he wouldn't officially have the pathology report back for 2 days. He told me he wanted to see me on Friday and he would probably take out the lymph drain at that time. I also will find out what the pathology report shows- I hope for good news!
John got to the hospital around 11:00am. He went down to the hospital cafeteria for coffee and he brought me some cookies- which were very good!
Dr. Goodchild from Radiation/Oncology came to see me before I could be discharged. He said he would see me again on June 10th for an initial consultation.
John got me home around 1:00pm- I slept for a couple hours that afternoon. Cindy came around 4pm and picked up the kids. Dot fixed us country style steak for dinner. After dinner, the boys got in a fight over the scrabble game. They were their usual self (never mind being good for mom!).
I received an azalea plant from Doug. I also got calls from several friends including Larry Thompson.
May 25th- slept late since Cindy was here to get the kids up. Before Cindy left she helped me wash and dry my hair. I then took a bath and began feeling like a human being again. I even put on some make-up. I got a lot of phone calls today: mom, Dot, Capt Payne, Larry James, Jim Gunn, Lt Lunsford, Doyle Batten, Tammy Pardue, Kathy Flock and more- I tried to sleep some in the afternoon, but I mainly just dozed.
I received a flower arrangement from Clarke from Plants and Answers, along with some get well cards.
At around 6pm, Peggy Graham brought a ham by from her and Loretta. Shortly after Lisa Horne, Diana Reed and Diedre Everhart brought a bunch of food by. Then Nancy Rice and her daughter brought some more food by.
I went ahead and fed the boys then John drove Joel to his birthday party at Skateland. Spencer took a bath. John and I ate supper on the front porch. Right after we ate, Debbie Masula dropped by and I visited with her. Then she and John went to pick up Joel and Morgan at the skating rink.
May 26th- Cindy and Kathleen came over about 0930am. We watched TV and then while eating lunch Larry James and his fiancee, Karen, came over to the house. Larry brought me a big fruit basket from Captain Payne, Lt Lunsford and Lt James. I visited with Larry and Karen for about an hour. After they left, Cindy and I watched the movie "MY BREASTS". I fell asleep about half way through and slept in my chair all afternoon. Doug Russ called today along with Julie Parks and Paul Thurmond. Dot stopped by and brought me a box of chocolates from Carolyn Duncan (from her office). Tammy Pardue stopped by and visited for a few minutes. I received several cards from church members and co-workers. I am quite anxious to see Dr. Leone tomorrow as I want to find out what the pathology report will show.
May 27th- I slept on the couch last night because the bed had been so hard and uncomfortable the night before. Also, John had such a hard day-that he really needed a good night sleep and so felt that my tossing and turning may keep him from getting his rest. So- I slept downstairs on the couch. I had a very fitful sleep- i kept dreaming about the pathology report.
I got up around 5:15am and took a quick bath and put on my make-up in preparation for my doctor's appointment. I got everyone else up at around 6am.
Cindy, Kathleen and I left right after 8am for Dr. Leone's office. I got there about 8:45am, nervous and very anxious to talk to Dr. Leone. I had to urinate a lot, but thought that it was just nerves. I was hoping to get "Lynn" the nurse that had been so nice to me the day I found out about the cancer, but I got another nurse instead. I went in and took off my top- the nurse then proceeded to "rip" off the bandages and then messed with the lymph drain trying to get it unclogged.
Looking down at my breast was encouraging, because it looked the same as before, but from my angle I couldn't see the part that had been operated on.
Dr. Leone was about 45 minutes late- again he was in surgery- so he couldn't help himself. The waiting was agonizing- I was so anxious to find out the results of surgery.
Finally, he arrived- cheerful as ever. He immediately looked at my file and produced a typed pathology report. He brought it over and I anxiously scanned it- to my relief the magic words were:
FINAL DIAGNOSIS:
I. FEMALE BREAST-NO RESIDUAL CARCINOMA IDENTIFIED; MARGINS FREE OF TUMOR; FINDINGS CONSISTENT WITH PREVIOUS BIOPSY SITE
II. LYMPH NODES (20) NEGATIVE FOR TUMOR
That was truly music to my eyes and ears!!
Dr. Leone then examined my breast. His poking and feeling were not comforting, as I was very bruised, but I knew he had to. He decided to take out the lymph drain and as I laid on my right side- it felt like he "ripped" it out- he also took out the stitches around it. Then he said there was some fluid in my breast as it was slightly swollen- so he got a syringe and aspirated some blood and fluid.
Oh, while waiting for Dr. Leone to arrive- I decided to look at my breast for the first time since surgery. It wasn't bad looking at all- in fact I was pleasantly surprised that most of it was still there. There were staples under my left arm where he had cut to take the lymph nodes out. But all in all- I was pleased, because I still had a breast- I was so thankful I had decided on the lumpectomy!
Dr. Leone said that I needed to come back on Tuesday or Wednesday, he wouldn't be there- I needed to get the staples removed. He also said he needed to see me in a month. He asked about my appointment with Dr. Goodchild and I told him it was on June 10th. He also said he wanted me to get a consult with an oncologist.
When I checked out- I was given a copy of the pathology report (a real souvenir!). I made an appointment for Tuesday, May 31st for my staple removal and June 22nd to see Dr. Leone again. I also paid $37.75 for charges my insurance did not cover.
Cindy, Cathleen and I then drove to my parent's house and broke the good news to mom and dad. I also called the office- CPT Payne was not in, but I talked to LT Lunsford. He was glad to hear my good news. I also found out that Ronny Slaughter got promoted to sergeant and Bill Barnes got promoted to Lieutenant! That was kind of a surprise. Later that day, I talked to Jim Gunn- I figured he would really be down with the promotions, but he was surprisingly taking it well.
Mom took me, Bruce, Cindy and Kathleen out to lunch to celebrate my good news. We went to Spring Garden Brewing Company at Guilford College. After lunch, Cindy took Kathleen to her mom's, then drove me back to Thomasville- Bruce followed her so he could take her back and leave me my car.
Cindy took Spencer and Joel to Greensboro. Joel went to my mom's and Spencer went to John's mom's.
Just to back up- by the time I got home from Greensboro- I realized I had developed a bladder infection- so I called Dr. Leone's office and got a prescription phoned into the Medicine Shoppe- which Cindy picked up for me before she left.
The bladder infection was really bothering me- it was more uncomfortable than the surgery had been.
Charles from church came by and I shared the good news with him. He visited for a few minutes then prayed with me.
Mom gave me a present from Martha Mitchell and some of her friends- it was a book called "CANCER BATTLE PLAN"- it was really good.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Chapter 2 (Volume 1)
The following Monday (May 9th) I went to work as usual. Since I had a doctor's appointment at 0930- I did not teach "Officer Survival" that morning. I changed into civilian clothes prior to my appointment.
After slipping into a gown at the doctor's office, Dr. Leone and his nurse came in. While he was examining my breast, he asked me if there was anyone with me today. I suddenly got a sick feeling in my stomach, because I knew what was coming. When I said I came by myself, he said that the lump he removed was malignant and that I would need more surgery. It really felt as though someone had kicked me as hard as they could in my stomach. I did contain my emotions though as Dr. Leone outlined my options. He said that I could have a masectomy with reconstruction or a lumpectomy where he would go in and remove more tissue around the tumor and remove the lymph nodes under my arm. He stated that I didn't need to make a decision right away, but if I decided on reconstruction, he would have to coordinate the surgery with a plastic surgeon and so he would need to line that up as soon as possible.
I just sat there with my head swimming- I knew that my chances of the tumor being malignant was 50/50, but I just never thought that it really be malignant.
Dr. Leone said that he wanted me to watch a tape that explained all the options available to me.
The doctor left and I got changed back into my clothes. The nurse took me across the hall, gave me a coke and sat me in a room to watch the tape. Before we went across the hall, she asked me if I could call my husband to come watch the tape with me. I tried to reach John several times, but since it was the week of the Blandwood Ball, he was everywhere.
I sat and watched the tape- I was truly in a daze- I just couldn't believe that I had CANCER!
After I watched the tape- I again tried to call John, but could not reach him. The nurse was so nice and empathetic- I really appreciated her kindness toward me during such a difficult time.
I briefly talked with Dr. Leone and he again emphasized that a masectomy was no more effective than a lumpectomy with radiation. I told him I needed to talk it over with my husband and I would let him know as soon as possible what surgery I had chosen.
I made an appointment for that Friday (May 13th) to have the stitches removed from the biopsy.
As I left the doctor's office- I was just numb-I couldn't think straight. I drove to the National Guard Armory to check about the PT test that was going to be given that coming Saturday.
I thought about not going back to work, but I felt like running away was not the answer. I had to face the circumstances and deal with them honestly.
As I walked into the Police Department, I saw Janice Roger's at the drinking fountain and I told her that things were not good and that I needed more surgery. She followed me into the dressing room and I told her about the options I was facing.
Next I talked to Jim Gunn- we went into the library and I told him that the tumor was malignant and that I needed more surgery. I also told him about the options I had. He was very understanding.
Later that afternoon, I finally got ahold of John to tell him the news. John told me not to worry that everything would be o.k. I felt so bad about having to dump such bad news on him-with him having to deal with the Blandwood Ball that weekend.
I also had received a message from my mom as she was anxious to hear. I called and mom was not home so I talked to dad. I told him to break the news to mom gently. I knew mom would really be worried because several of her friends had died of breast cancer.
I certainly could not focus on anything work related that day. I finally asked Captain Payne if I could talk to him. I went into the F.O.B. conference room. I told him that I went to the doctor and the news was not good. I told him that the tumor removed was malignant and that I would need more surgery. I proceeded to outline the choices that I had to make. He was very understanding and suppotive. I later that same afternoon explained my situation to Doug.
Like I said before, that whole day was a fog- I couldn't focus on anything except the cancer.
When I came home that day, Joel asked me how things had gone at the doctor, and I explained that I would need more surgery. He said, "Well, at least you don't have breast cancer!" I said "Joel, I do have breast cancer, but they have already taken out the cancer, but I need more surgery, just to make sure they got it all." With that explanation, both kids pretty much accepted my diagnosis. I was relieved that they did not seem to worry about me.
That evening, I was glad John came home before I went to bed. He said that once he had talked to me, had had been mush all day and I said that I had too. He said that he thought that the diagnosis would be bad, he just had a "feeling"- I also shared with him that I had that same "feeling" since my biopsy. We talked a little bit about the options and I told him I was leaning toward having a lumpectomy- as I wasn't in for the reconstructive surgery bit.
The next day I taught Officer Survival- I was truly "TERRIBLE"- I could not concentrate on the material and I lost my chain of thought many times. I was truly embarrassed by my performance. I was still dwelling on the diagnosis and just couldn't get it off my mind.
I slowly told more and more people and of course word spread. It was good therapy to talk to others, because I soon found out that cancer was about as common as a tonsilectomy had been in the 50's and 60's. In the United States, 1 in 9 women get breast cancer. Everyone I talked to knew someone who had had breast cancer.
Over the next few days, I began to deal with the diagnosis better. Having cancer certainly helps to refocus one's thinking. What you think is important all of a sudden is not so important anymore. Priorities are brought into sharp focus. your family means a lot more to you than it did before.
I taught Officer Survival 2-3 more times- I was able to get it together and felt I did a good job.
On Thursday night (May 12th), I taught Officer Survival that evening and then attended my dad's graduation from Citizen's Police Academy. I was quite proud of him for completing that course.
I finally decided that I would go for the lumpectomy and scheduled surgery for May 23 at 1030 hours. John's sister, Cindy would be here then so she could help with the boys.
During the following week I tried to get things tied up so that Doug would have a minimal amount of work to do while I was out. i found out that Doyle Batten was officially retiring at the end of June. That worried me because with my medical problems I was afraid I would miss out on the opportunity that I had been waiting on to become the Personnel Sergeant (something I had set my sites on for some time). I went and talked to Captain Emerson about my chances of getting the Personnel Sergeant's job. He was encouraging and said that I had a good chance of getting the job, but that he wasn't sure how Chief Williams would make a decision.
On May 16th I had a performance evaluation conference with Captain Payne and Lt Lunsford. My evaluation was good and they were very supportive of my medical problems. During the course of our conversation, I did express my interest in the Personnel Sergeant's job and asked for their blessing for me to throw my name in the hat. They were not surprised by my request, but were understanding and felt like such a move would enhance my career. So by that afternoon, I put in a request for transfer- so my name is in the hat for that job.
During the next few days I talked to more people and felt more and more comfortable about the surgery I was facing.
Cindy flew in from Orlando on May 21st. The boys fell in love with Catherine (her 18month old baby girl). John's mother, Cindy and baby drove over to Thomasville Saturday evening and we went to Family Dinner, then visited with them.
Sunday, May 22nd I went to church-everyone was very supportive and said that I would be in their prayers. After church, we drove to Greensboro and Dot took us to the Village Tavern for a late lunch.
After slipping into a gown at the doctor's office, Dr. Leone and his nurse came in. While he was examining my breast, he asked me if there was anyone with me today. I suddenly got a sick feeling in my stomach, because I knew what was coming. When I said I came by myself, he said that the lump he removed was malignant and that I would need more surgery. It really felt as though someone had kicked me as hard as they could in my stomach. I did contain my emotions though as Dr. Leone outlined my options. He said that I could have a masectomy with reconstruction or a lumpectomy where he would go in and remove more tissue around the tumor and remove the lymph nodes under my arm. He stated that I didn't need to make a decision right away, but if I decided on reconstruction, he would have to coordinate the surgery with a plastic surgeon and so he would need to line that up as soon as possible.
I just sat there with my head swimming- I knew that my chances of the tumor being malignant was 50/50, but I just never thought that it really be malignant.
Dr. Leone said that he wanted me to watch a tape that explained all the options available to me.
The doctor left and I got changed back into my clothes. The nurse took me across the hall, gave me a coke and sat me in a room to watch the tape. Before we went across the hall, she asked me if I could call my husband to come watch the tape with me. I tried to reach John several times, but since it was the week of the Blandwood Ball, he was everywhere.
I sat and watched the tape- I was truly in a daze- I just couldn't believe that I had CANCER!
After I watched the tape- I again tried to call John, but could not reach him. The nurse was so nice and empathetic- I really appreciated her kindness toward me during such a difficult time.
I briefly talked with Dr. Leone and he again emphasized that a masectomy was no more effective than a lumpectomy with radiation. I told him I needed to talk it over with my husband and I would let him know as soon as possible what surgery I had chosen.
I made an appointment for that Friday (May 13th) to have the stitches removed from the biopsy.
As I left the doctor's office- I was just numb-I couldn't think straight. I drove to the National Guard Armory to check about the PT test that was going to be given that coming Saturday.
I thought about not going back to work, but I felt like running away was not the answer. I had to face the circumstances and deal with them honestly.
As I walked into the Police Department, I saw Janice Roger's at the drinking fountain and I told her that things were not good and that I needed more surgery. She followed me into the dressing room and I told her about the options I was facing.
Next I talked to Jim Gunn- we went into the library and I told him that the tumor was malignant and that I needed more surgery. I also told him about the options I had. He was very understanding.
Later that afternoon, I finally got ahold of John to tell him the news. John told me not to worry that everything would be o.k. I felt so bad about having to dump such bad news on him-with him having to deal with the Blandwood Ball that weekend.
I also had received a message from my mom as she was anxious to hear. I called and mom was not home so I talked to dad. I told him to break the news to mom gently. I knew mom would really be worried because several of her friends had died of breast cancer.
I certainly could not focus on anything work related that day. I finally asked Captain Payne if I could talk to him. I went into the F.O.B. conference room. I told him that I went to the doctor and the news was not good. I told him that the tumor removed was malignant and that I would need more surgery. I proceeded to outline the choices that I had to make. He was very understanding and suppotive. I later that same afternoon explained my situation to Doug.
Like I said before, that whole day was a fog- I couldn't focus on anything except the cancer.
When I came home that day, Joel asked me how things had gone at the doctor, and I explained that I would need more surgery. He said, "Well, at least you don't have breast cancer!" I said "Joel, I do have breast cancer, but they have already taken out the cancer, but I need more surgery, just to make sure they got it all." With that explanation, both kids pretty much accepted my diagnosis. I was relieved that they did not seem to worry about me.
That evening, I was glad John came home before I went to bed. He said that once he had talked to me, had had been mush all day and I said that I had too. He said that he thought that the diagnosis would be bad, he just had a "feeling"- I also shared with him that I had that same "feeling" since my biopsy. We talked a little bit about the options and I told him I was leaning toward having a lumpectomy- as I wasn't in for the reconstructive surgery bit.
The next day I taught Officer Survival- I was truly "TERRIBLE"- I could not concentrate on the material and I lost my chain of thought many times. I was truly embarrassed by my performance. I was still dwelling on the diagnosis and just couldn't get it off my mind.
I slowly told more and more people and of course word spread. It was good therapy to talk to others, because I soon found out that cancer was about as common as a tonsilectomy had been in the 50's and 60's. In the United States, 1 in 9 women get breast cancer. Everyone I talked to knew someone who had had breast cancer.
Over the next few days, I began to deal with the diagnosis better. Having cancer certainly helps to refocus one's thinking. What you think is important all of a sudden is not so important anymore. Priorities are brought into sharp focus. your family means a lot more to you than it did before.
I taught Officer Survival 2-3 more times- I was able to get it together and felt I did a good job.
On Thursday night (May 12th), I taught Officer Survival that evening and then attended my dad's graduation from Citizen's Police Academy. I was quite proud of him for completing that course.
I finally decided that I would go for the lumpectomy and scheduled surgery for May 23 at 1030 hours. John's sister, Cindy would be here then so she could help with the boys.
During the following week I tried to get things tied up so that Doug would have a minimal amount of work to do while I was out. i found out that Doyle Batten was officially retiring at the end of June. That worried me because with my medical problems I was afraid I would miss out on the opportunity that I had been waiting on to become the Personnel Sergeant (something I had set my sites on for some time). I went and talked to Captain Emerson about my chances of getting the Personnel Sergeant's job. He was encouraging and said that I had a good chance of getting the job, but that he wasn't sure how Chief Williams would make a decision.
On May 16th I had a performance evaluation conference with Captain Payne and Lt Lunsford. My evaluation was good and they were very supportive of my medical problems. During the course of our conversation, I did express my interest in the Personnel Sergeant's job and asked for their blessing for me to throw my name in the hat. They were not surprised by my request, but were understanding and felt like such a move would enhance my career. So by that afternoon, I put in a request for transfer- so my name is in the hat for that job.
During the next few days I talked to more people and felt more and more comfortable about the surgery I was facing.
Cindy flew in from Orlando on May 21st. The boys fell in love with Catherine (her 18month old baby girl). John's mother, Cindy and baby drove over to Thomasville Saturday evening and we went to Family Dinner, then visited with them.
Sunday, May 22nd I went to church-everyone was very supportive and said that I would be in their prayers. After church, we drove to Greensboro and Dot took us to the Village Tavern for a late lunch.
It was late March 1994. I was putting Spencer to bed one night and he kicked me around my left breast. It was a playful kick, but it hurt. I reached up and felt my left breast. I felt a lump in it. After putting Spencer to bed, I went into our guest bedroom where I examined both breasts closer. There was an obvious lump in my left breast and I became alarmed after feeling both. At first I just thought I was imagining things-surely I didn't have a lump!
I have always been sporatic about examining my breasts. Mainly because breast cancer has never really haunted me-as there is no history of it in my family, and besides I have always been in good shape and good health. However, having discovered a lump, I was suddenly flooded with guilt. Last year I had turned 40 and I vowed to myself that I would get a baseline mamogram as recommended. But, like many things I managed to put it off all year. Now I was 41 and still had not done it.
I mentioned the lump to John that evening and I promised I would get a mamogram at the first of the week. That next day (Monday), I made an appointment at Bertrand Breast Center. The following day when I went in I informed the technician that it was my first mamogram and I also told her about the lump in my left breast. After the mamogram, the technician said she was going to do a sonogram of the lump. I was escorted into another room where I laid on a table while the technician rubbed a monitor over my left breast. After taking pictures, a doctor on staff came in and checked me out. Afterwards he told me to make an appointment with my regular doctor.
I called Dr Lebauer's office the next day and explained what I needed to see him about. The nurse explained I needed to see a surgeon. The word "surgeon" sent a chill down my spine- somehow I just didn't think things were that serious-YET!
My mother-in-law, who had a masectomy ten years earlier recommended Dr. Michael Leone, the surgeon who she had had. So, I made an appointment for April 1, 1994-the day before I was to leave for summer camp at Fort Bragg for two weeks. Dr. Leone was very nice- a real personable kind of guy. He examined me then said he was going to aspirate the lump by sticking a needle in it. He said that if it was just a cyst-by draining the fluid out all would be taken care of. He tried to aspirate it, but it was a solid mass- as he predicted. He then asked me a lot of questions concerning my medical and family history. He then listed my options- in this case either do a needle biopsy or a regular surgical biopsy. He highly recommended the surgical biopsy as he said the results were much more conclusive. So I set up a biopsy for May 6, 1994 at the Day Surgery Center next to Cone Hospital. Dr. Leone stated that my waiting 2-3 weeks would not be that critical. I was all set for summer camp and certainly didn't want to switch gears at the last minute.
During summer camp I thought about the upcoming biopsy and every night would feel my left breast and the lump in it. Subconsciously, I guess I tried to "will" it away, but it was always there. I shared the fact I was to have a biopsy with just a couple of people. Most everyone would say, "oh, my sister had that, but it was only a cyst". It was always downplayed- but to me it was real and frightening.
I still had trouble trying to put it out of my mind. I came back from summer camp and the following weekend John had three major weddings going (one in Charlotte and two in Greensboro) that I'd promised to help him with which had further postponed my biopsy by one more week.
Finally May 6th came. It was a Friday. Actually, let me back up to Thursday night. John again had the Blandwood Ball coming up the next weekend so he was extremely busy. Since my biopsy was scheduled early- I spent the night with mom and dad. They took me out to Anton's for a belated birthday dinner, we had a nice visit. Mom took me that next morning to Cone Day Surgery Center. I had to be there at 6:30am. When I arrived, I read some surgery procedure instructions and then signed a form. Shortly thereafter a nurse came and got me. She gave me a hospital gown and some slipper socks and directed me to the restroom to change. I placed all my clothes in a plastic bag. She took me to a small cubicle which contained a comfortable recliner chair and another chair-the doorway was secured with a curtain. As I sat in the big comfortable chair, the nurse took my vital signs. When I had come in that morning, I thought I had recognized a co-worker. Then as I listened I heard the nurse talking to him in the cubicle across from mine. I peeked my head out and said "Steve, what are you in for?" He squinted as he did not have his glasses and said "Lynn, is that you?" and then said, "I'm having hernia surgery". I informed him I was having a biopsy and wished him good luck. Steve was another Greensboro Police Sergeant that had graduated in the same academy class as me. It's a small world!!
The nurse then went and got my mom and brought her back to my cubicle to sit with me until time for surgery. While waiting, the anesthesiologist came back to explain the stuff he would be giving me to put me to sleep. Then Dr. Leone came back and explained the procedure.
Shortly thereafter, the nurse walked me back to the operating room. It seemed strange walking back and climbing onto the table. I was strapped down- both arms and feet. I felt like I was being nailed to a cross! The IV drip acted very quickly and then I was out like a light! The next thing I remembered is them asking me to assist as I was being scooted onto a gurney and wheeled into the recovery room. I was still really groggy and really just wanted to sleep but the nurse came in asking if I wanted something to drink. I got a coke- I remember shaking alot- I'm not sure if I was cold or just nervous! Dr. Leone came back and said that he had gotten the lump and it would be sent to Pathology. He stated he wanted to see me in his office Monday morning and the nurse would set up my appointment.
I was still kind of out of it, but I noticed that Dr. Leone (a very optimistic, upbeat kind of guy) seemed surprisingly sober and serious. He did not say anything encouraging like "it looks benign" or "everything's great". At the time his demeanor struck me as odd, but it also sobered me into thinking maybe it really is bad. Fortunately, I did not dwell on what the outcome was going to be.
Within 15 minutes after surgery, I was up and getting dressed. After dressing, I had to wait for mom as she had left to run an errand. I was set up with an appointment to see Dr. Leone on May 9, 1994 at 0930 hours.
Mom drove me to her house where I had some hot chocolate, then laid down on her couch and slept for about 3 hours. I felt pretty good after the surgery, but after sleeping- I awoke to some pain. The local they had given me had worn off and I was in pain!! Since i couldn't drive-mom drove me back to Thomasville around 4pm. I actually had her drive me straight to the drugstore to fill the prescription the doctor had given me for pain.
John came home shortly after I got home and he quickly scooped me up to drive to High Point to see the house he had been decorating. Luckily the pain medication worked well.
I recouped over Mother's Day weekend. we had Dot and Mom and Dad over for a cookout on Sunday. Roger, Kim and the girls came over. It was a nice weekend. The biopsy did not really hurt, so I didn't have to take hardly any pain pills.
I have always been sporatic about examining my breasts. Mainly because breast cancer has never really haunted me-as there is no history of it in my family, and besides I have always been in good shape and good health. However, having discovered a lump, I was suddenly flooded with guilt. Last year I had turned 40 and I vowed to myself that I would get a baseline mamogram as recommended. But, like many things I managed to put it off all year. Now I was 41 and still had not done it.
I mentioned the lump to John that evening and I promised I would get a mamogram at the first of the week. That next day (Monday), I made an appointment at Bertrand Breast Center. The following day when I went in I informed the technician that it was my first mamogram and I also told her about the lump in my left breast. After the mamogram, the technician said she was going to do a sonogram of the lump. I was escorted into another room where I laid on a table while the technician rubbed a monitor over my left breast. After taking pictures, a doctor on staff came in and checked me out. Afterwards he told me to make an appointment with my regular doctor.
I called Dr Lebauer's office the next day and explained what I needed to see him about. The nurse explained I needed to see a surgeon. The word "surgeon" sent a chill down my spine- somehow I just didn't think things were that serious-YET!
My mother-in-law, who had a masectomy ten years earlier recommended Dr. Michael Leone, the surgeon who she had had. So, I made an appointment for April 1, 1994-the day before I was to leave for summer camp at Fort Bragg for two weeks. Dr. Leone was very nice- a real personable kind of guy. He examined me then said he was going to aspirate the lump by sticking a needle in it. He said that if it was just a cyst-by draining the fluid out all would be taken care of. He tried to aspirate it, but it was a solid mass- as he predicted. He then asked me a lot of questions concerning my medical and family history. He then listed my options- in this case either do a needle biopsy or a regular surgical biopsy. He highly recommended the surgical biopsy as he said the results were much more conclusive. So I set up a biopsy for May 6, 1994 at the Day Surgery Center next to Cone Hospital. Dr. Leone stated that my waiting 2-3 weeks would not be that critical. I was all set for summer camp and certainly didn't want to switch gears at the last minute.
During summer camp I thought about the upcoming biopsy and every night would feel my left breast and the lump in it. Subconsciously, I guess I tried to "will" it away, but it was always there. I shared the fact I was to have a biopsy with just a couple of people. Most everyone would say, "oh, my sister had that, but it was only a cyst". It was always downplayed- but to me it was real and frightening.
I still had trouble trying to put it out of my mind. I came back from summer camp and the following weekend John had three major weddings going (one in Charlotte and two in Greensboro) that I'd promised to help him with which had further postponed my biopsy by one more week.
Finally May 6th came. It was a Friday. Actually, let me back up to Thursday night. John again had the Blandwood Ball coming up the next weekend so he was extremely busy. Since my biopsy was scheduled early- I spent the night with mom and dad. They took me out to Anton's for a belated birthday dinner, we had a nice visit. Mom took me that next morning to Cone Day Surgery Center. I had to be there at 6:30am. When I arrived, I read some surgery procedure instructions and then signed a form. Shortly thereafter a nurse came and got me. She gave me a hospital gown and some slipper socks and directed me to the restroom to change. I placed all my clothes in a plastic bag. She took me to a small cubicle which contained a comfortable recliner chair and another chair-the doorway was secured with a curtain. As I sat in the big comfortable chair, the nurse took my vital signs. When I had come in that morning, I thought I had recognized a co-worker. Then as I listened I heard the nurse talking to him in the cubicle across from mine. I peeked my head out and said "Steve, what are you in for?" He squinted as he did not have his glasses and said "Lynn, is that you?" and then said, "I'm having hernia surgery". I informed him I was having a biopsy and wished him good luck. Steve was another Greensboro Police Sergeant that had graduated in the same academy class as me. It's a small world!!
The nurse then went and got my mom and brought her back to my cubicle to sit with me until time for surgery. While waiting, the anesthesiologist came back to explain the stuff he would be giving me to put me to sleep. Then Dr. Leone came back and explained the procedure.
Shortly thereafter, the nurse walked me back to the operating room. It seemed strange walking back and climbing onto the table. I was strapped down- both arms and feet. I felt like I was being nailed to a cross! The IV drip acted very quickly and then I was out like a light! The next thing I remembered is them asking me to assist as I was being scooted onto a gurney and wheeled into the recovery room. I was still really groggy and really just wanted to sleep but the nurse came in asking if I wanted something to drink. I got a coke- I remember shaking alot- I'm not sure if I was cold or just nervous! Dr. Leone came back and said that he had gotten the lump and it would be sent to Pathology. He stated he wanted to see me in his office Monday morning and the nurse would set up my appointment.
I was still kind of out of it, but I noticed that Dr. Leone (a very optimistic, upbeat kind of guy) seemed surprisingly sober and serious. He did not say anything encouraging like "it looks benign" or "everything's great". At the time his demeanor struck me as odd, but it also sobered me into thinking maybe it really is bad. Fortunately, I did not dwell on what the outcome was going to be.
Within 15 minutes after surgery, I was up and getting dressed. After dressing, I had to wait for mom as she had left to run an errand. I was set up with an appointment to see Dr. Leone on May 9, 1994 at 0930 hours.
Mom drove me to her house where I had some hot chocolate, then laid down on her couch and slept for about 3 hours. I felt pretty good after the surgery, but after sleeping- I awoke to some pain. The local they had given me had worn off and I was in pain!! Since i couldn't drive-mom drove me back to Thomasville around 4pm. I actually had her drive me straight to the drugstore to fill the prescription the doctor had given me for pain.
John came home shortly after I got home and he quickly scooped me up to drive to High Point to see the house he had been decorating. Luckily the pain medication worked well.
I recouped over Mother's Day weekend. we had Dot and Mom and Dad over for a cookout on Sunday. Roger, Kim and the girls came over. It was a nice weekend. The biopsy did not really hurt, so I didn't have to take hardly any pain pills.
Chapter 1: Joyce Lynn's Story
It was late March 1994. I was putting Spencer to bed one night and he kicked me around my left breast. It was a playful kick, but it hurt. I reached up and felt my left breast. I felt a lump in it. After putting Spencer to bed, I went into our guest bedroom where I examined both breasts closer. There was an obvious lump in my left breast and I became alarmed after feeling both. At first I just thought I was imagining things-surely I didn't have a lump!
I have always been sporatic about examining my breasts. Mainly because breast cancer has never really haunted me-as there is no history of it in my family, and besides I have always been in good shape and good health. However, having discovered a lump, I was suddenly flooded with guilt. Last year I had turned 40 and I vowed to myself that I would get a baseline mamogram as recommended. But, like many things I managed to put it off all year. Now I was 41 and still had not done it.
I mentioned the lump to John that evening and I promised I would get a mamogram at the first of the week. That next day (Monday), I made an appointment at Bertrand Breast Center. The following day when I went in I informed the technician that it was my first mamogram and I also told her about the lump in my left breast. After the mamogram, the technician said she was going to do a sonogram of the lump. I was escorted into another room where I laid on a table while the technician rubbed a monitor over my left breast. After taking pictures, a doctor on staff came in and checked me out. Afterwards he told me to make an appointment with my regular doctor.
I called Dr Lebauer's office the next day and explained what I needed to see him about. The nurse explained I needed to see a surgeon. The word "surgeon" sent a chill down my spine- somehow I just didn't think things were that serious-YET!
My mother-in-law, who had a masectomy ten years earlier recommended Dr. Michael Leone, the surgeon who she had had. So, I made an appointment for April 1, 1994-the day before I was to leave for summer camp at Fort Bragg for two weeks. Dr. Leone was very nice- a real personable kind of guy. He examined me then said he was going to aspirate the lump by sticking a needle in it. He said that if it was just a cyst-by draining the fluid out all would be taken care of. He tried to aspirate it, but it was a solid mass- as he predicted. He then asked me a lot of questions concerning my medical and family history. He then listed my options- in this case either do a needle biopsy or a regular surgical biopsy. He highly recommended the surgical biopsy as he said the results were much more conclusive. So I set up a biopsy for May 6, 1994 at the Day Surgery Center next to Cone Hospital. Dr. Leone stated that my waiting 2-3 weeks would not be that critical. I was all set for summer camp and certainly didn't want to switch gears at the last minute.
During summer camp I thought about the upcoming biopsy and every night would feel my left breast and the lump in it. Subconsciously, I guess I tried to "will" it away, but it was always there. I shared the fact I was to have a biopsy with just a couple of people. Most everyone would say, "oh, my sister had that, but it was only a cyst". It was always downplayed- but to me it was real and frightening.
I still had trouble trying to put it out of my mind. I came back from summer camp and the following weekend John had three major weddings going (one in Charlotte and two in Greensboro) that I'd promised to help him with which had further postponed my biopsy by one more week.
Finally May 6th came. It was a Friday. Actually, let me back up to Thursday night. John again had the Blandwood Ball coming up the next weekend so he was extremely busy. Since my biopsy was scheduled early- I spent the night with mom and dad. They took me out to Anton's for a belated birthday dinner, we had a nice visit. Mom took me that next morning to Cone Day Surgery Center. I had to be there at 6:30am. When I arrived, I read some surgery procedure instructions and then signed a form. Shortly thereafter a nurse came and got me. She gave me a hospital gown and some slipper socks and directed me to the restroom to change. I placed all my clothes in a plastic bag. She took me to a small cubicle which contained a comfortable recliner chair and another chair-the doorway was secured with a curtain. As I sat in the big comfortable chair, the nurse took my vital signs. When I had come in that morning, I thought I had recognized a co-worker. Then as I listened I heard the nurse talking to him in the cubicle across from mine. I peeked my head out and said "Steve, what are you in for?" He squinted as he did not have his glasses and said "Lynn, is that you?" and then said, "I'm having hernia surgery". I informed him I was having a biopsy and wished him good luck. Steve was another Greensboro Police Sergeant that had graduated in the same academy class as me. It's a small world!!
The nurse then went and got my mom and brought her back to my cubicle to sit with me until time for surgery. While waiting, the anesthesiologist came back to explain the stuff he would be giving me to put me to sleep. Then Dr. Leone came back and explained the procedure.
Shortly thereafter, the nurse walked me back to the operating room. It seemed strange walking back and climbing onto the table. I was strapped down- both arms and feet. I felt like I was being nailed to a cross! The IV drip acted very quickly and then I was out like a light! The next thing I remembered is them asking me to assist as I was being scooted onto a gurney and wheeled into the recovery room. I was still really groggy and really just wanted to sleep but the nurse came in asking if I wanted something to drink. I got a coke- I remember shaking alot- I'm not sure if I was cold or just nervous! Dr. Leone came back and said that he had gotten the lump and it would be sent to Pathology. He stated he wanted to see me in his office Monday morning and the nurse would set up my appointment.
I was still kind of out of it, but I noticed that Dr. Leone (a very optimistic, upbeat kind of guy) seemed surprisingly sober and serious. He did not say anything encouraging like "it looks benign" or "everything's great". At the time his demeanor struck me as odd, but it also sobered me into thinking maybe it really is bad. Fortunately, I did not dwell on what the outcome was going to be.
Within 15 minutes after surgery, I was up and getting dressed. After dressing, I had to wait for mom as she had left to run an errand. I was set up with an appointment to see Dr. Leone on May 9, 1994 at 0930 hours.
Mom drove me to her house where I had some hot chocolate, then laid down on her couch and slept for about 3 hours. I felt pretty good after the surgery, but after sleeping- I awoke to some pain. The local they had given me had worn off and I was in pain!! Since i couldn't drive-mom drove me back to Thomasville around 4pm. I actually had her drive me straight to the drugstore to fill the prescription the doctor had given me for pain.
John came home shortly after I got home and he quickly scooped me up to drive to High Point to see the house he had been decorating. Luckily the pain medication worked well.
I recouped over Mother's Day weekend. we had Dot and Mom and Dad over for a cookout on Sunday. Roger, Kim and the girls came over. It was a nice weekend. The biopsy did not really hurt, so I didn't have to take hardly any pain pills.
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