Chapter 11 (Volume 2)

19 March 1996- Got up around 5am. Took bath- got kids up and ate breakfast. By 6am, I was worn out and had to go back to bed because I was exhausted. So much for my going to work today- at least I tried!!

Slept till about 9am then got up and dusted and vacuumed downstairs. Then I rested some more. Was very rainy and dreary outside.

Read and did some praying- rested, but didn't really sleep.

John had to teach at Davidson so Spencer had me to himself- we read Goosebumps book. Went to bed around 9pm.

20 March 1996- Went back to work today- I seem to be over my last bout with chemotherapy. Did not get tired during the day but by 9pm, I was ready to crash.

Jimmy and Jerome were at house when I got home from work. Hadn't seen them in ages.

21 March 1996- Had staff meeting. Gary H took me out to lunch today- we had a nice visit. Was real tired after reading to Spencer, but got in bed and couldn't sleep. Had stomach cramps- woke up several times.

22 March 1996- My squad was back on duty today. Took distribution downtown and got to visit with a bunch of people. George H and Jim F came out to SS and visited with me for about 2 hrs. I didn't get much work done today, but enjoying visiting with people I hadn't got to see for awhile. Took Lorazapam to sleep.

23 March 1996- Drill- was late, but stayed at Armory while everybody else went to Butner to qualify. Was a long day. Came home and John and I went to a progressive dinner our Sunday School class had. It was enjoyable.

24 March 1996- Drill- This is the first time everybody saw my wig. They all said they liked it. Came home and walked dog- was very tired and tried to rest. John and I went to the store. Bed at 10pm.

25 March 1996- Got up and sent a Birthday e-mail gram to Lyn Nell. Typical Monday- very busy. Dale took me out to lunch at K & W today. Did two evaluations. After dinner, John started moving furniture, didn't get to bed until 10pm. Slept in master bedroom. Spencer woke me up with a cough at 1:40 and after getting up to give him medicine, I couldn't sleep so I went down to couch. Slept very little between 2:00-4:30am.

26 March 1996- Was really tired today, because I did not sleep well night before. Went to get blood work done today- talked to Valarie. She suggested maybe giving me a sedative next time to make me sleep first 24 hours. Came home and got my room cleaned so furniture can be moved in. John wasn't home.

27 March 1996- Was really tired today- it was hard to get up. This moving furniture, cleaning & stuff is really getting to me. Worked on time cards and monthly report. After dinner, John and Joel moved furniture into guest room- it looks real nice. I was exhausted when I went to bed as it was after 10pm.

28 March 1996- Was really tired today- all this mving and cleaning is killing me. The new bed in the guest room was very comfortable! Worked on evaluations at work- only have about four done. Was rainy and cold all day. Patsy called me and said she has some bills ready for me- it looks like about $500 so far- eek! After supper, we worked more on moving and cleaning- don't think it will ever end. Cindy brought me a dinner to substation- that was so thoughtful of her! *Found out Debbie J. has breast cancer! She already had lump removed, but will have more surgery next week. Poor girl- I think she's still in shock! Told her to call me if she has any questions.

29 March 1996- I took day off work so I could get the home staightened up- the upstairs is SO torn up from moving furniture. I cleaned all day one room at a time. Spencer came home and feel asleep in his room, so after cleaning John's room- I decide to get his room after dinner. I was under the impression all week that Spencer would be spending the night with Joshua. John came home and he was tired and got VERY angry about the hall and Spencer's room still in a mess. We had a knock down drag out fight- one of the worst we have had in our marriage- we were screaming and yelling at each other!! It was terrible!! I just wanted to die right then- it was just too hard to go on. I feel like I can never make John happy or be the kind of wife he needs or wants.

John took Spencer and left after dinner and went to Kevin's house. I finished cleaning and went to bed- still hurt and upset about our fight.

30 March 1996- I got up at 6am and woke John up then went back to bed. He came into my room about 7 to apologize to me- I was still upset and told him that we had no kind of family life. We talked for awhile and somewhat resolved things- I was very emotional and was exhausted from the whole ordeal. Got up and took a bath. I began cleaning around 10am- cleaned downstairs then after lunch , I tackled the storage room on the carport. John came by and wanted me to go with him to Tanglewood to deliver a wedding. I did and we talked some. Came home and John napped while I finished cleaning the storage room. Spencer had gone with Joshua and Kevin earlier, so Joel, John and I went out for Chinese, We dropped Joel back off at house and John and I went to Trudy's and Kevin's house. Trudy and I played SCRABBLE (I won), then we all played SCATTEGORIES. On way home to T-ville we passed a truck that was badly weaving- obviously a drunk driver- as I watched I saw the driver lose control and run off the right side of the road and the truck flipped a couple of times. I saw someone being thrown out. I told John to turn around- when we got to the scene one man (passenger) was conscious and had been thrown out the back window into the truck bed. The driver had been thrown out into the ground into a ditch. His body was contorted and it appeared from the way he was laying that he had a broken neck. I could not detect any signs of life- no breathing- so I did not attempt to move him. I told John to go get help and I would stay with the accident. I talked with the passenger and he stated "William Hollis" was driving. He had some bad facial cuts, but nothing serious. John returned about 5 minutes later and the SGT Deaton with T-ville PD came. I stayed till SHP and wrote out a statement for them. The accident occured at around 12:40 hrs and we didn't get home till around 2am. Joel was still up and very worried about us. John and I each took a Lorazepam to sleep.

31 March 1996- Didn't get up till around 9am. I ate a quick breakfast and then went to church- John and Joel didn't make it. After church, John and I went to Winston Salem for an antique show then went to pick up Spencer at Kevin's house. I came home and ironed. Went to bed around 10pm.

1 April 1996- Usual day- worked on stats- so I could do evaluations. Stayed busy since B Squad was on duty. Paid bills- bed 9:45pm.

2 April 1996- Finished up on evaluations. Went to Police Club- it was good seeing some people again. Many people didn't recognize me with my wig. Also, went to see Debbie J in the hospital- she was doing good and was in good spirits.

3 April 1996- Worked on monthly report & evaluations. Had appt with Dr. Magrinant. I was late 'cuz I thought the appointment was 3:30 not 2:30! He said my bloodwork was very good and he said that indicates that I should recover quickly from the Bone Marrow Transplant. He also scheduled me for a CAT scan for the 15th of April.

4 April 1996- Had 3rd treatment. Peggy G and Ann P took me. This time they gave me Zophran in an IV. It made me dizzy. Came home and took more Zophran and a suppository and slept. Diedra brought dinner.

5 April 1996- Good Friday! Was feeling much better. Cleaned downstairs. Took a nap. Jackie and Laura brought over dinner. John and Spencer went to Kevin's house.

6 April 1996- did not get up until 8:30am. John had already gone to work. Cleaned upstairs- took a nap- Trudy and Kevin ate dinner with us. Sat around and talked till 11pm. I am feeling O.K.- took last of Zophran today.

7 April 1996- Easter!! Slept late. We forgot to set our clocks back- so we were about 20 minutes late to church. Started feeling bad at church- my stomach was queasy- came home and bundled up. It was so COLD!! I slept a good portion of afternoon. John and I went to grocery store and then we watched TV.

8 April 1996- Got up and took bath and ate breakfast. Tried to get ready for work, but was just unable to go. Went back to sleep and didn't get up till 9:30am. Rested, ironed and watched TV. John did major yard work. We all watched TV together. Bed at 10pm.

Chapter 10 (Volume 2)

10 March 1996- I still have a slight sore throat and mouth sores!! What a bummer!

Went to drill, but was in a class all morning, so time went by quickly.

Came home and then John came home with Joshua and Spencer. Kevin and Trudy came over to visit. They stayed till after 11:00pm!! I enjoyed visiting, but really needed to get to bed. Got to bed about 11:40pm.

11 March 1996- Mouth sores are a real pain! I called Valarie and got her to call me in a prescription for Magic Mouthwash which should help.

Had lunch with Faye C today. We had a nice visit- met at Applebees on Wendover. I'm glad I can finally put a face with the name now.

It was crazy at work today- two more complaints came in- one on Miller and one on Church. Could never catch up with one of the complaintants. I am taking next 2 days off to make-up my last Guard Drill. I am not looking forward to Thursday and having to deal with the complaints!!

Drank a milkshake with Ensure for dinner- just couldn't eat anything with my sore mouth.

12 March 1996- Had to make up a drill day today. It was really a drag- I had to work with SSG Wray and he talked to me like I was a 10 year old!!

David L took me out to lunch. I dropped my car off to get it inspected.

I was incredibly TIRED today- and I just couldn't think very well- all I wanted to do was curl up and rest, but I couldn't!

John worked late- so I had to fix dinner for the kids.

My mouth is doing much better- the Magic Mouthwash helps a lot. Got to bed a little early 8:45pm.

13 March 1996- Made up another day at the Armory. I wasn't as tired today. The mouthwash has done wonders for the mouth sores- they are pretty much gone. My hair continues to fall out at an alarming rate! Everytime I comb it, more comes out.

I took Maxwell for a walk- so got a little exercise today.

I had to change my bandage, change caps and flush my port tonight which always takes awhile.

I finally got an e-mail letter from Sue M and a letter from Bruce!

14 March 1996- My squad was back to work. It was not a fun day as I had to deal with Miller's complaint- I talked to other driver and he stated that he did not feel Miller was rude or out of line in anyway. He did appropriately find her at fault. Anyway, I spoke with the complaintant and after explaining 20 times "why" according to traffic law, she was at fault- she still felt I was wrong. Finally, she ended up hanging up on me!! I told Lt Lunsford about it- just in case she calls and complains on me. It was a hectic day- I am almost looking forward to chemo tomorrow!!

Chaplain Boyd came by and I talked to him for about 40 minutes.

Came home and worked on cleaning the upstairs before treatment. Went to bed after 11pm.

15 March 1996- Got up around 5:30 and after I ate breakfast, I finished cleaning upstairs.

Dot came to take me to my treatment. I enjoyed talking with Valarie- she is the most positive part of my treatment.

Wrote Bruce letter and read magazines. I was there almost 3 hours. Came home and sent an e-mail letter to Sue.

I ate some soup- then tried to rest. I couldn't sleep. I got up about 5pm and vomited and now I feel better. I don't think any anti-nausea medicine does much for me.

Dot stayed and picked up Spencer and took him to stay with her for the weekend.

I ended up throwing up EVERYTHING I tried to eat or drink- even water. Finally, I called and talked to the doctor on call and he said to just eat ice chips and then take Lorazpam before I went to bed. I went to bed around 9:30 and slept well.

16 March 1996- Got up and took a Zophran, then had an english muffin. I just rested most of the day in John's room. Lying down seems to be the most comfortable position. I drank water- for lunch I had some frozen yogurt, then a little soup for dinner. Watched TV.

John picked up Spencer and went with Kevin to a circus in Winston Salem.

The biggest thing is the way my stomach feels and the enormous lack of energy I feel.

17 March 1996- Still under the weather. Got up and took a Zophran, then went back to bed. I got up later and I threw up the Zophran. I ate an english muffin and hot chocolate and then took another Zophran. Still feel bad- all I want to do is rest. I rested some- watched some old movies.

Had planned to iron clothes, but just don't have the strength to do it. John and I went to bed around 9:30- we each took a Lorazpam to sleep.

18 March 1996- Slept till close to 6am, then got children and John up.

Was not ready to go back to work yet- I am still recouperating.

I did fold clothes and ironed a mountain of clothes. Was exhausted when I finished- so slept until the kids got home.

This morning before John left for work, I decided that the hair must go. My hair consisted of large bald spots- it was really ugly and my hair "hurt" from being bundled up all the time. Plus the shed factor was driving me "crazy". So I decided to shave my head. I did the best I could and John helped me trim it up. I look like an alien, but my head is much more comfortable. At least now when I shed- there won't be much hair to shed!

I watched Gorgoyles TV show with Spencer, then fixed dinner. John ate a little later, as his stomach was acting up.

The rest of the evening- I again was pulled between Spencer wanting to play a game and John wanting me to watch TV- I managed to do both!

Went to bed around 9pm.

Chapter 9 (Volume 2)

27 February 1996- Got up about 6am and took a bath and washed hair- I finally felt clean!

My stomach was a little uneasy, but better than the day before. I ate some cereal, then decided I would "bite the bullet" and wear my wig! My hair looked so bad- I didn't have much of a choice.

I was late getting to work because I had to fiddle with styling my hair. I got to work and Dale was coming off of a bad cold! Just what I need to catch!!

I tried drinking a coke and taking my vitamins, but it didn't take long for the vitamins to come up.

Had an appointment at noon with Valarie at oncologist's office. She showed me how to clean and change the dressing on the porta-cath.

Came back to SS and ate lunch and just piddled around. LT and CPT came out for afternoon line-up.

No one made any comment about my hair or hair color. The CPT did say his sister had a wig the same color.

Went home and was feeling good, fixed dinner for kids and me. John came home from bridal appointments and I fed him.

After dinner, John, Spencer and I watched TV in John's room.

Spencer was being very demanding about my attention. I put him to bed once, then wrote an e-mail letter to Lyn Nell. Spencer was still up so he laid down with me for a few minutes.

I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep so I took a Lorazpam.

28 February 1996- Dale had a busy day at work- I wasn't much help to him. He is doing an excellent job!!

I left for about an hour- got stamps- got paperwork to get my windshield fixed- went to credit union and bank, then went by the pharmacy.

Kinard's still doesn't have all my medical supplies, but they said they should have them by 5:00pm.

Came by at 5:00pm after work and Kinard's still doesn't have all my supplies!! This is getting frustrating!

At around 6 pm- I finally got my medicine and medical supplies. Didn't get home till after 6:30pm.

I fixed dinner for me and boys. John didn't get home till 8pm- I fixed him dinner then. He was in a pretty "blue mood". I certainly understand that he is in a frustrating position. He desperately needs a dedicated designer who can really take some of the load off of him. I will continue to pray for such a person to come along.

I had to return some phone calls- just a really blah evening. I want to spend more time with John, but still feel pulled between John and Spencer- as they are both vieing for my attention. Was very tired then I went to bed after cleaning my porta-cath.

29 February 1996- John was still in a "MOOD" this morning. Before I went to work, we talked about setting the kids straight and having a family meeting to lay out what we expect. I felt a little better about the family situation before leaving for work.

Routine day- Gary called me to ask me how I was doing- it was good talking to him.

Came home and fixed dinner, dropped Joel at library, then picked up a few things at store.

John was home when I got home, he was upstairs watching TV. He was in a very quiet glum "BLUE" mood. Finances are his main worry- I know how he feels- I got paid today (NO EXTRA DUTY). Money and bills will be really rough to pay! I don't know what I am going to do!

1 March 1996- Got to work on time for a change. Jim Gunn called me and he asked me to lunch. Worked a monthly report all day, then did individual stats.

Jim and I went to Deliworks for lunch. We had a good talk- took about an hour and a half lunch.

Came home and checked prodigy- I got a letter from Lyn Nell!

At dinner, John and I laid down law to kids about what we expect of them and what their punishment will be. Joel did dishes and made banana bread cup cakes.

After dinner, I went up and typed a long e-mail letter to Lyn Nell. Cindy called John and they talked a long time.

Watched 20/20, then read some and went to bed.

2 March 1996- Got up around 8am. After breakfast- got boys up.

Started cleaning upstairs. At noon, I had to take Spencer to get Josh a birthday present. We all went over to Joshua's house and visited for a couple hours. Had a good time.

Dropped kids off at house and John and I went over to Jim and Roger's to visit. Stayed till after 8pm- came home and watched TV, went to bed around 11pm.

3 March 1996- Got up early- took bath, had devotions and stuff before I got up rest of family.

Went to church. After church, Dot came over and we went to Women's Club for lunch- it was good! Joel went with Michael to deliver phone books, but he returned by 3:00pm.

Joel showed me how to make cards on the computer.

Did some light cleaning- fixed boys dinner. Played PayDay with Spencer.

Joel was tired and crashed early.

John had a meeting, then went to Kevin's house- we were all asleep by the time he got home.

4 March 1996- Monday- so back to work! Had an appointment with Dr. Magrinant today. They pricked my finger again to take blood. I can't believe I have a port so I don't have to get shots and they still prick my finger!! Why?

I told Dr. Magrinant that I had quite a bit of nausea with my first treatment- so he prescribed Zophran. Valarie flushed my port and changed the caps for me (they gave me the wrong type of cap!)

My next chemo is scheduled for 10:00 on the 15th with follow up on the 26th.

Went by Kinard's and took caps back. The pharmacist assured me that she would get the heparin syringes in by Wednesday.

Came home- Janet Smith brought dinner by tonight. John was home and kind of in a cleaning frenzy.

We ate, then Spencer and I went to talent show at his school.

5 March 1996- Went to lunch with Cindy S today. Went to Ham's and had a nice visit.

After dinner I wrote to Lyn Nell, then played a short game of PayDay with Spencer.

6 March 1996- Went to see Dr. Leone. He changed the bandage. No problems. I was able to get the Heparin syringes from Kinard Drugs.

7 March 1996- Went to Joy E's mother's funeral in Reidsville with Susan.

Martha and Gary came out to SS to see me at lunch, but I couldn't visit much since I was leaving to go to the funeral.

Got my drill check today, but since I only got paid for the one drill- it didn't go too far with paying the bills. I was very stressed about money.

8 March 1996- Did two evaluations on rookies and served them. SGT David wanted me to help him with a display he is working on- so I swallowed my pride and went downtown to PD! Everyone complimented me on my wig! I was real self conscious about having to see people as I didn't want to shock them too much.

Kevin invited John and Spencer over, so I stayed home and ironed clothes and wrote thank you notes!!

9 March 1996- Had drill- didn't wear my wig- everyone said they were glad to see me.

Woke up with sore throat- also am getting mouth sores. My gums and teeth hurt too! I felt lousy, but when I got home, John was cleaning- so I cleaned downstairs while he cleaned kitchen- went to bed around 9pm.

Chapter 8 (Volume 2)

21 February 1996- Today was sugery. I couldn't eat or drink anything that morning. John took me to the hospital around 10:00am.

I had to take off all my clothes and put on a hospital gown and socks. About 11:00am I walked across the hall to surgery. I went to the bathroom and then laid down on a gurney. The anethesiologists came and started an IV and gave me a sedative. Dr.Leone was late to surgery. While I was waiting, I fell asleep. Then they wheeled me into the operating room- it was cold, but they covered me up pretty well. They put an oxygen mask over my face. For the rest of surgery, I was kind of in and out- I would hear what was going on then fade out again. I guess surgery lasted over an hour. They put a 3 port Hickman catheter in my right chest.

They wheeled me into the recovery room and took a chest x-ray. I slowly started to come around. They gave me a coke and then they brought my clothes and the nurses helped me get dressed.

I spoke to Dr. Leone a minute- I really like him- he did a good job. John brought the car around to the patient entrance as I got dressed.

We didn't get home until about 3:30 PM. I propped myself up in the sitting room with pillows. Since I hadn't eaten all day- I ate breakfast and took 1 pain capsule.

Spencer came home and we played war, but I really got sleepy and slept for awhile.

Patsy called me to give me some good news. BCBS is working with Duke and it looks like the whole medical bill both here and at Duke will only run me around $2,000. The whole bill will probably be a quarter of a million- so my cost is a drop in the bucket. The bad news is that BCBS won't cover a wig.

John had a wedding appt at his office. He didn't get back until 8PM. He made me some soup and cheese bread. He took Spencer and went and got hamburgers for them.

I went to bed around 10:30.

22 February 1996- Woke up family, then went back to bed and didn't get up until everyone had left.

I am still sore, but I am able to move my right arm better. I did not take a shower, but just got dressed.

I managed to wash some clothes and ironed.

I was very tired and slept for a couple of hours. Then John came home and told me that I needed to get my hair cut real short. So I made an appointment at Mane Event and got my hair cut real short.

After dinner we all went to Oak Hollow Mall to go to Chic Wig. After trying on several wigs- John had me try on the auburn one and believe it or not it really looked the most believable. So crazy as it seems- I did get the auburn one. I'm just scared to death to wear it, because I don't do change well, but I will just have to deal with it.

23 February 1996- D-Day- My first chemotherapy treatment today.

I got up and managed to take a bath and wash my hair in the bathtub. With this porta-cath, I may not be able to take a shower for months!

Mom and Dad picked me up at 9:00. We drove to Greensboro and I went by "Great Harvest" to get some bread. It wasn't ready yet so I paid for it and mom picked it up later.

I just had mom drop me off for my treatment. They first pricked my finger and liked to never got any blood. Then Valarie came and got me and went over all the side effects and explained the procedure.

She administered each of the 4 drugs separately, just in case I had a reaction to them. She gave me an anti-nausea drug and then the A and C. I just lounged in the chair and listened to tapes- it took about 3 hours. Then mom picked me up and drove me home.

On the way home, mom insisted that I drink juice so I did.

I came home and took an anti-nausea pill, then ate some cheese bread and fixed John some lunch.

Then I laid down and tried to rest but couldn't. Marilyn B called and talked. Apparently she had found out from somebody about me!

Debbie M stopped by and visited. I had gotten up and I was starting to feel really lousy. Kevin and Joshua came in and as Joel was introducing Debbie and Kevin, I made a mad dash for the bathroom and up-chucked volumes!! Apparently the juice was just too acidic and didn't agree with me. I felt much better after vomiting.

I just sat and watched TV in the sitting room all evening. John finally came home between 8-9PM and I sent him to get some chicken noodle soup as I felt I could probably handle that. It tasted good!

Joel and John made up my bed upstairs and about 10:30, I crashed.

24 February 1996- Didn't get up until after 8AM- John had already left. I am supposed to have drill today, but I called MSG Tolley earlier this week and explained about my chemo and said I may or may not make it- so at least they won't be looking for me.

I took it easy today, but also did some work. I cleaned the refrigerator and kitchen as well as the downstairs. Then I took a nap.

I got several phone calls- my friends from the Armory called, Jim Gunn called and Cindy (John's sister) called.

I did get outside a little- it was a beautiful day. Spencer and I walked up to the bakery, but he was ticked because they didn't have anything he wanted. I picked up my laundry at the cleaners.

Joel delivered phone books all afternoon and Spencer played upstairs so I could rest.

After dinner, Joel, Spencer and I watched the movie, "The Coneheads", then went to bed. John had gone to Roger's birthday party at Jim M's.

25 February 1996- Felt really lousy today- still have a queasy stomach. I'm glad I didn't tell them at the Armory that I would be coming in today, because I wouldn't have made it.

John had a big wedding, so he was gone all day. I sent the boys to Sunday School, then they had lunch at the church and worked on Easter banners.

I felt so lousy all day- very sick to my stomach, it seems like everything seemed to come back up!

I kept trying to get the boys to clean up and do their chores, but I really couldn't follow through with making sure they did what they were supposed to, because I was just so sick.

John finally came home about 9PM and he really hit the ceiling when he found bikes in driveway, lights left on, kitchen a mess, etc. John was about as mad as I have ever seen him. I was afraid he would have a heart attack or stroke- he was SO mad. It upset me, but I know he wasn't mad at me, but I felt bad, because I wasn't able to keep the house clean-

After his rath subsided, Penny H came by and brought us a whole meal. John hadn't eaten- so he finally got to eat something. We both took a Lorazapam before we went to bed.

26 February 1996- I still feel lousy- my stomach just won't settle down.

I called "Advance Care" that was supposed to come out and teach me how to clean and maintain my catheter. I called Valarie at Dr. Magrinant's office and told her of my nausea and vomiting. She told me that my insurance wouldn't pay for the "Advance Care", but that if I went to the office tomorrow she would teach me how to change and maintain my catheter. She also told me to take a Lorazapam and just sleep to settle my stomach.

I took her advice and slept on John's bed all afternoon. I kept down soup that I had for dinner and went to bed around 9PM.

Chapter 7 (Volume 2)

15 Feb 1996- Rather ho-hum day. Read reports mostly all day.

In PM I went by my parents house- mom wasn't home, but dad seemed much better than I have seen him in a long time. I told him about my cancer- he seemed to take it pretty well.

I went downtown to PD- while there I talked to MANY people. I found out CPT Stewart's grandson has leukemia and then I ran into him in the hall and asked him about it. He said his grandson is doing great and he was real encouraging. After talking with him I realize I have got to get my family into some sort of support group.

When I came home today- Spencer was in the den eating cheese and crackers, so I let him know how much I appreciated that. It was all downhill from there! Spencer is hurt so easily and he seems to particularly lash out at me. Everything I said to him- he was resistant and defiant! John had a meeting after work and by the time he came home, I was in tears- very upset by Spencer's behavior!!

I had to fold and iron clothes- which of course Spencer didn't understand. John wanted me to watch TV with him and of course Spencer wanted me to spend time with him. I often feel like a YO YO between them as they both vie for my attention.

This family needs couseling badly as we are very fragmented and dysfunctional!

16 Feb 1996- Today, I was very surprised to wake up to impending snow. On the news, they were announcing school delays. As I left Thomasville, it was just beginning to snow, but by the time I got to Greensboro, it had already been snowing.

My biggest fear was that my appointment with Dr. Magrinant would be cancelled, but fortunately, it was not. John met me at his office. We had to wait almost an hour to get seen.

Dr. Magrinant said I would get 4 treatments (outpatient chemo), one treatment every 3 weeks. I then set up an appointment to get a Hickman Port surgically installed with Dr. Leone on Wednesday. On Friday, 23rd- I will have my first chemo treatment.

John took me to lunch after my appointment (we ate chinese). Then I took him back to his van and I went to the PD. I spent probably 1 1/2 hours with Patsy- I am so glad to have her working for me on my insurance on this illness. She is going to check with Duke for me about medical costs. She has really been SUPER!!

John and Spencer went to visit with Kevin and Josh- I met them as we passed in the driveway. Spencer made John stop so he could give me a kiss! I cleaned the upstairs and actually got Joel to help me!

17 Feb 1996- I got up early and took Joel to school for a field trip, but after waiting a half hour, the teacher never showed up!

Came home and folded clothes, made up beds. Then getting frustrated at the kids for not listening to me- I left for awhile to get prescriptions filled. I also went back to K-Mart and bought a pair of black pants. I looked for some blouses to go with my navy pants, but didn't find any.

Came home and cleaned downstairs, then went and got a video for kids.

After dinner, I went with John to arrange flowers around a wedding cake at Emorywood Country Club.

Came home and watched TV, but there was nothing good on- so I went to bed around 9:30!

18 Feb 1996- Sunday- got up about 6:18 and put on a roast, then took a shower.

I was reading an article in "Better Homes & Gardens" about menopause and osteoporosis- I am really scared about possible heart damage and what kind of shape my body will be in after all this stuff is over with. I just pray that I won't be a "little old lady", but will be able to get back into some kind of decent physical condition again. I desire more than ever to really hike the Appalachian Trail- it is a goal for me to strive toward. After all this treatment, it will seem like a piece of cake in comparison!

Went to church, then fixed Sunday dinner, Dot came over and ate with us. After lunch I took Maxwell for a long walk, then folded and ironed clothes while I watched a movie.

Kevin and Joshua came over and spent most of the afternoon. Kevin was loading stuff on computer for John.

I was experiencing some major discomfort and pain. I took 1 pain pill and then turned in early and took a Lorazipam. Hope I will be able to sleep.

19 Feb 1996- I felt better when I got up this morning- no pain.

Had staff meeting at substation for 1/2 day. I made some calls reference where to get a wig. I talked to one lady and her sister who recommended Chic Wig at Oak Hollow Mall.

I went by mom's house and took a pair of pants by for her to hem.

After leftovers, John, Spencer and I went to Oak Hollow Mall to look at wigs. Joel went to scouts. I finally found two wigs that were "believable", but they did not have them in my color. The color I tried on was a reddish auburn color. John loved it, but I am just not ready to be a redhead.

I got e-mail today from both Lyn and Sue. I sent Sue an e-mail letter- first one I have done- hope she gets it OK! She sent it several days ago, so I hope she hasn't given up receiving mail from me. I will write Lyn tonight.

Got to bed about 10:45PM- Late!! Am really tired!

20 Feb 1996- Had to have some pre-op lab work done. I went in and gave the lady my insurance card and she asked me how much my insurance company paid and I said I thought it was 85%. She quickly did some figuring and told me I owed $440.00 that needed to be paid up front. I about choked. She asked me if I could pay it now and I said no. Then she asked if I could pay $100 and I again said "no". I was about in tears as I knew if they were going to make me pay up front on any of the medical procedures- I wouldn't be able to have any of them done. The lady just wrote down- "payments will be worked out". I had blood taken, EKG, and gave a urine specimen.

I then went down to PD to get the mail. I went up to see Patsy, but she was in a meeting. I ran into Sue while at the PD, she gave me a big hug and said she had sent me a card (I got the card today). Patsy called and said she had been checking with Duke but needed to check with the BCBS people to get some answers.

Went back to substation, but didn't really do anything the rest of the day. I did talk to Faye and filled her in on what my protocol is. She answered a lot of questions that I had.

I stopped by my mom's house on the way home and picked up some pants she had hemmed for me.

Came home and went to the library then came home and fixed dinner.

After getting kids to bed, I sent an e-mail letter to Lyn Nell.