Chapter 6 (Volume 2)

We left Duke and got something to eat then got back to Thomasville around 5pm. John changed and went back to work. He came home around 7:30 and we did a quick grocery run, then he had to go to Winston Salem to check on a wedding he is doing tomorrow.

I talked with Darcy R, Phil G, Cindy and Whitescarver. I tried to call Faye C, but she wasn't home.

I cleaned downstairs and didn't get to bed until around 11:40pm.

February 10, 1996- The boys stayed with Grandparents in Greensboro- Joel is with Andy tonight. Mom brought dad home from the hospital today- I briefly went by the house, but didn't have time to talk to her since she wasn't there. I haven't said anything about my cancer to Dad yet, but I'm afraid with his being out of the hospital- he will have to know something soon.

I had drill today- of the full time staff, I think I really surprised them by showing up. Everybody that knew was real understanding. They will work with me on missing drills.

The church had a covered dish supper that I went to. John was worn out, so he stayed home. It was a small group, but I filled in those that knew about me.

I got a short letter from Lyn Nell today, she stated that she had just got back in from Iowa from her Grandmother's funeral.

I want to talk to Faye C today, but she said she would not be home. I will try to call her tomorrow. I want to find out about her exact treatment before I get back down to Duke.

February 11, 1996- Had drill today- most of the main people at the armory know about my cancer- I was surprised the COL didn't know, but I told him and the Chaplain.

After drill I went to Muirs Chapel Church to pick up Joel who had spent the night with Andy. Joan and I sat out in her van and talked about an hour or so while the boys were attending the youth group. I hadn't seen Joan since this summer- it was good talking to her. She was telling me that she just found out that she has cataracts and is going to have to have them removed.

I left there and picked up Spencer at Dot's house. Dot "loaded" me up with all kinds of food. I really appreciate her doing all that cooking for me.

I came home and John had cleaned the kitchen- it looked real nice. Things were crazy- the boys "never" listen to me. It is so hard for me not coming across like a real "B*&X*h", but I get so frustrated getting the boys to clean and pick up after themselves!!

I talked to John Mullinax (nurse) while at the armory today and found out he works at Wake Medical Center and works with outpatient chemotherapy. He answered a lot of questions and gave me his phone number if I have any questions. I also talked to Faye tonight and she also answered a lot of questions. She suggested we get together for lunch and meet each other. She really sounds like a neat person.

February 12, 1996- Regular work day- did very little. Went by mom's house. Dad is not doing good at all. I keep encouraging her to explore other types of treatment as I don't think drugs alone are going to cut it.

Went downtown, talked to several people there. Talked with Gary H and Martha today.

Took the boys to Boy Scout covered dish supper tonight.

Talked with Roger on phone, told him about dad- he said he would try and take the ball on that, since I will have to be out of the picture.

February 13, 1996- Got up early- left and drove to Jim Gunn's house. He took his vehicle and drove me to Duke Bone Marrow Clinic. I talked to Dr. Hussein there. He stated that they could work with Dr. Magrinant and he could give me regular chemo treatments in Greensboro (couple of months) then I would go to Duke for the HIGH DOSAGE CHEMOTHERAPY. I would be at Duke about a month. He gave me a whole notebook of information to read. I just want to go ahead and get started. On February 19th I have an appointment with Dr. Magrinant to discuss my program.

After picking up my car at Jim's house, I drove home. I ran some errands then went by John's to let him know about my appointment.

I went back to the house and read some of the cancer notebook, then changed clothes and attended Roy R's retirement dinner at Green's Supper Club. He had a good turn out. I talked with Julie P who was there.

February 14, 1996- A fairly uneventful day other than the fact that it was VALENTINE'S DAY!

I went to peer counseling team training and told the group about my situation. Dr. Cutter encouraged me to participate in all support groups I was referred to.

I cleared up my office at the substation- I had never had a chance to clean it before, because it was always SO busy. Dale continues to be super efficient, he is really doing an excellent job and is handling much more than his fair share. I have utmost confidence in his ability to run the squad.

Morgan and Zachary Masula spent the night as Debbie went out- I owed her for keeping the boys a couple weeks ago.

I slept last night without taking any medication- the pain pills are so strong they make me sick to my stomach the next morning. One of the other medicines works well, but I'm going to only take them when I can't sleep. I have relaxed a lot and so am able to get to sleep.

Chapter 5 (Volume 2)

I am just getting so anxious- I want to get on with the treatment. The delay is driving me crazy. Also, the pain is getting more intense.

Valarie, Dr. Magrinant's nurse called and said she has an appointment set up for me at Duke with the head of the Bone Marrow Transplant Center, on Tuesday, Feb 13th
(1996). John will not be able to go with me as that is the day before Valentine's Day. I have been trying to think of who I can ask to go with me, but I just don't know- I really need mom to keep the kids for me that night as John will be working late and that is the night of Roy R's retirement dinner at Greensboro Supper Club.

I called 1SG Tolley today and told him about my situation. I told him I would probably be at drill, but it all depended on what I found out at Duke on Friday.

February 7, 1996- Had appointment with Dr. Leone. John met me at his office. I asked several questions. He did help explain what he believed that caused this cancer. He said that somehow malignant cells spread from the original tumor site, but instead of going to the auxillary nodes under the arm as is most common- these travelled toward my breast bone and settled in my mammary nodes which are located deep- under my ribs. He said that even had I had a masectomy- those nodes are so deep that they are not surgically removed. He believes that the radiation didn't get them because they are so deep and the radiation can't go too deep or it will penetrate my lungs. He also said my tests were optimistic in that the cancer seems to be all in my chest and doesn't appear to have spread anywhere. He recommended chemotherapy followed by surgery if necessary later down the road. He said if surgery was done, he would recommend a masectomy because of the problems I have had.

Afterwards, John and I went to Cone Hospital and visited my dad. I then went to mom's house and she gave me a bunch of herbal stuff to take.

John went to a cigar smoker's dinner, he woke me up about 11:45 to tell me all about it- said Dr. Leone was there.

February 8, 1996- I got up and felt bad, but like an idiot I went and took all the herbal stuff mom gave me. Then I really felt sick as a dog!! I tried to eat, but just ended up throwing up about 4 times. I finally managed to drag myself to Greensboro, but felt like I just had a chemo treatment!

I finally started to feel better around 1:00pm. At around 3:30pm I went to Cone to pick up my slides. When I got home- Jackie had dropped off some food, but just vegetables. I called John to ask him about it. He was real stressed and said he didn't know if he would be able to go to Duke with me- I was pissed, but I was determined not to let him know it. I understand his dilemma with having to run a business and then having to balance this illness of mine. He came home after the kids and I had finished dinner(Laura had provided half the meal and Jackie the other half).

He was in a better mood - he ate and we were only able to talk a little. He has two big weddings on Saturday which has got him stressed out.

I went to bed about 11pm.

February 9, 1996- John started out very high stress today, because of all the weddings and stuff he has going for tomorrow.

I got up and started getting ready for the trip to Duke. I called Valarie at Dr. Magrinant's office and realized that I had forgot to get all my CT scans, x-rays, mammogram, etc from Cone yesterday!

I called John and told him we had to leave soon, as I had to run by Cone. He came home shortly thereafter and was "HIGH" stressed- he had had a fight with Bobby that morning about being late and he was fit to be tied!

It is so frustrating for me as I do understand how difficult it is for him to get away when he has weddings and things that "MUST" get done. His problem is not having good "HELP" that he can depend on to handle things when he can't be there. I just wish he would prioritize on finding that person-

I had to give John one of my pills for anxiety and stress before we left- he was so dangerously close to stroking out or having a heart attack, he was so keyed up!

I drove and almost had a rear-end collision on my way to Cone Hospital. I was a nervous wreck by then and told John that he was SO difficult to live with. He was very sensitive and took my comment wrong- so he was pretty silent on the way to Duke and hurt. I didn't mean it the way it came out, but his stress level just drives me crazy. He talked about getting counseling, which is what I strongly suggested.

Anyway, the trip down was pretty rocky.

We got there and had to wait about an hour or so. John came into the room with me so he could talk to Dr. Englehart also.

Dr. Englehart was a surgical oncologist. He stated that in looking at my case that surgery was not an option- it was too difficult and risky where the tumor was located. He talked about various types of chemotherapy. He recommended standard dose- then high dose and bone marrow if it didn't work. I am scheduled to see Dr. Hussein on Tuesday the 13th- to talk specifically about Bone Marrow Transplant and chemotherapy options.

Dr. Englehart was about 39-40 year's old and after talking to him, John was not particularly impressed. We kind of felt like we didn't really know much more after seeing him other than totally ruling out surgery.

Chapter 4 (Volume 2)

I came back to mom's house and ate lunch- I have been very tired all day. I called and left word at Dr. Magrinant's office that should my appointment be cancelled to call me at my mother's house. They called a short while later and have rescheduled me for noon on Monday. I am SO frustrated- the weather has continually delayed my medical progress!

Mom got me some sleeping pills as I am so keyed up, I have a lot of difficulty sleeping. I did doze for an hour or so, but have definitely not gotten the rest that I need.

The weather is really bad- freezing rain all day. And as luck would have it- the power went out at mom's house around 2:30 and did not come on all evening. I dread getting up to a cold house tomorrow!!

Veda and Curtis came and got mom and I and took us to their house for dinner- It was nice of them to do that.

I talked to John when I got home. Kevin and Joshua are going to be spending the night at our house, since their heat is off.

I talked to Phil- he stated that Monday he would be starting limited duty in "Evidence", he wasn't looking forward to that, but he is going stir crazy at home.

I took sleeping pills and pain medicine, so I hope I can sleep tonight.

Feb 3, 1996- I slept fair last night, but still woke up much earlier than I needed to. Mom's house was cold so I turned on the gas logs. I did take a hot shower and then just sat in front of the fireplace. Mom woke up and brought me some vitamins to take- then she read a devotional. She has been more than supportive to me.

I went to work around 5:30 so I could put on my make-up as it is hard to do in candle light.

Lt Lunsford called me early and I filled him in on the doctor's appointments I had coming up.

I told my squad what was happening with Phil and me. My first line-up was harder and I choked up once, but managed to keep an even keel on my second line-up. The whole squad was very concerned and supportive- some already had heard about me, but it was very important to me that I tell them what was going on.

The weather was really bad- freezing rain and all the streets were packed down. Power lines and trees down were the worst of it. Not many accidents as most people stayed home and many businesses were closed.

I called Candy L early morning and we went to "Your House" on Battleground for breakfast. She hadn't heard about my situation, so I filled her in. I hate today was my last day in uniform that I would be able to work with her.

After work I went by Dot's house and she loaded me down with food, then I went by mom's to get my stuff. Mom's power was back on.

We all went downstairs and visited as a family- John had cranked up the fireplace and it was really toasty. About 8:40, John insisted I take a Xanax that he had so I could sleep.

Feb 4, 1996- I slept good all night, but woke up about 5am and was really cold. I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't so I got up.

At 6:00am, I called Dale to let him know I had messed up the schedule and had forgot to change it. He said that we got an additional 2 inches of snow last night. I filled him in on what my schedule was for this upcoming week (Dr. appointments etc)

Feb 5, 1996 (Sunday)- Slept very good last night with the Xanax- got up about 5:30am.

Church was cancelled so we just all stayed warm at home. John and I watched an old "Blondie and Dagwood" movie.

I cooked the roast that Dot had given me. I got caught up with my washing, folding, and ironing clothes today.

Feb 5, 1996- Weather was bad- so kids were out of school. I was very worried that my appointment with Dr. Magrinant would be cancelled, but thankfully it wasn't.

I went to see Dr. Magrinant at 12:00. He talked to me about my cancer- fortunately he takes a lot of notes and draws pictures which makes it easier to understand. He layed out two types of chemotherapy for my case. The first was a lower dose chemo over a longer period of time- then surgery and more chemo. The 2nd was high dose chemo, which he recommended, but it would require hospitalization. Both would have side effects, such as hair loss- early menopause- possible damage to heart- lungs and other organs- not real encouraging, but I guess a necessary evil. For the high dose treatment, there is a 3-5% chance of dying just from the treatment! SOUNDS CHEERY!! I asked what stage the tumor was and he said STAGE 3- NOT GOOD! :( He did say the bone scan was o.k., but said there was a spot on my liver. He believes that the liver spot was probably just a cyst, but he ordered an ultrasound for tomorrow just to be sure. They also took some blood to do lab work with. He made me an appointment for the following Friday- which was discouraging since I was hoping by this Friday the game plan would be underway- so I wouldn't be in limbo a whole week longer!!

I went from Dr. Magrinant's office to downtown and I went straight up to see Patsy B. She really eased my mind and encouraged me to ask the doctor's at Duke their expertise at dealing with the type of cancer I had and told me to ask them the leading doctors and hospitals in the field. She also told me to have John put all my medical bills in a drawer and just send them to her about once a month. What a relief to let someone who knows what to look for scan through them and screen for hidden costs. I talked with Julie P who tracked me down by phone at the PD and also talked to Peggy and JoAnn and LT Wray and CPT Payne.

I left the PD and went by Kinard's Drugstore to get two prescriptions filled for PAIN and SLEEP.

I then picked up my stuff from the Substation and called Joel to tell him I had to go by Dot's to pick up some food.

I didn't get home until almost 7PM!! John had gone to the YMCA to play racketball with Kevin. I was tired and frustrated at having to start dinner so late!! I threw on some spaghetti and yelled at kids to help me by setting the table.

I had no idea when John would come home- so I went ahead and ate with the boys and started cleaning up the mess in the kitchen- I was hoping to get the kitchen cleaned up by the time John got back as he fusses so much when it is dirty.

John didn't get home until 8:30pm- I was upset with him, because he went to play raquetball instead of helping me get dinner. I finally met Kevin and we chatted for a minute- he seems very nice. After Kevin left, I told John what Dr. Magrinant had said. He said he had worried all day and was hoping to hear from me. I told him that I didn't like giving him medical news over the phone. I cried and was upset mostly that I had been so selfish- as Kevin and John have so much in common that he gets a lot of support from him and I don't want to break that up.

Hopefully John forgave me, but we both released a lot of our frustrations and fears, which is probably what we needed.

I didn't get to bed until after 10:30- but took the sleeping pill and slept pretty good.

Feb 6, 1996- Got up at 5:00am, took shower and paid bills- never enough money to go around!

Couldn't eat breakfast because I had to go to Cone Hospital at 7:30 to get an ultrasound of my liver to determine what the spot was. After taking many pictures, I asked the nurse before I left how they turned out- she said she thought it was a cyst- I sure hope it is!

After my tests I went up to see dad on Division 5000, he seems better, but he still cannot let go and quit worrying. It is hard to cheer him up.

I left there and went to get some breakfast before reporting to the substation.

Called John to let him know about my tests. Ran some errands later in the day. Had to run by grocery on way home.

John got on computer and printed me top US Hospitals for treatment of Cancer. Duke was rated eighth.